I feel like there’s nobody I can trust and hold onto. I want to quit my sick but also sweet job, erase my marriage that has been unofficially long over, and sometimes just get out of my skin and off this Earth. It’s all poisoned. But I want to be a good mom and I want to be happy. Maybe this will be a good place for me to be able to tell the truth about everything, including myself, and just be real and face it. Drinking is so much easier. I like the oblivion, the dullness, the sleep. But I’ve gained weight! And I might die and/or completely lose my mind, and leave my kids without a sane and sober mom to raise them not to be more poison in this world. Melodramatic, but I’ll forgive myself a bit, for it being 5:35 am and I’m still wide awake, dreading the coming day when I should be doing constructive and loving things with and for my kids. 
I have a hard time with sleep.
Lots of folks here in the app can totally relate to everything you just said. How long have you been sober? The insomnia is normal in early sobriety but it will fade. Have you considered counseling? It may help with the rest of the feelings.
2 days sober. I have a psychiatrist but it’s mainly identifying if and to what degree I’m experiencing anxiety. I have a hard time calling ppl, I hate checking voicemail, and it’s been harder for me to keep appointments. I don’t know where I should go for more counseling. There are so many options and I‘m overwhelmed. Where’s a good place? I see the lists and I just balk at going through and spending the time on finding a helpful and discreet option. But I know I need it. I’m not opening my mail and only pay the bills that are already set up on auto pay. I used to be so on it. I know I’m being stupid, but I‘m kind of just in survival mode for work and in taking care of my kids. I start thinking I can have a couple of glasses of wine, and then I need the whole bottle and sometimes more to get more done, like I’m having a solo work party at home. And then I can sleep. Thanks for reinforcing the normalcy of the alcohol free insomnia. I know I shouldn’t drink. if I’m up till 6 am again today, oh, well, right?
Have you looked into betterhelp? Its a web based therapy company