I’ve been really struggling with wanting to have a clear mind right now because my thoughts are so overwhelming. I feel like everyone hates me secretly and that I annoy everyone and people are just putting up with me because they have to. I’m constantly depressed and anxious and bored and it feels like an endless cycle. If I don’t have some kind of mind altering substance in me my thoughts just get too overwhelming to deal with and I end up running to get alcohol or something else to shut up all the annoying thoughts. And even though I always regret getting fucked up the next day and hate myself for it I usually just end up doing the same thing every night anyway. I tell myself I wanna stop and have a clear head and maybe then I’d be able to keep a steady job and have lasting friendships and hobbies but actually not using anything is really freaking hard for me. I feel like I can’t talk to any of my relatives about it because none of them really understand substance abuse problems and they’re constantly judging people for using alcohol or drugs and it just makes me feel so alone. I don’t even know if there’s advice to give for this but I guess I just really wanted to vent so I could feel a little less alone. It can be really hard for me to open up to people a lot of the time.
Best medicine for feeling alone, getting plugged into a program where others understand you and have been where you’re at. Lots of recovery programs to choose from. You are not different. We all have similar issues yet have learned tools to deal with them. What you posted is a start to a new beginning if you choose to start it. Keep sharing and letting others like yourself know where you are at.
Talk to a doctor. The anxiety and self deprecating thoughts are the addiction working you over to get more poison into you. Everything you wrote, most if not all of us, have felt. We’ve been there. As far as your family understanding, they can’t, unless they are also addicts. And that’s ok. They don’t have to understand. Right now you need to look after you. Your sobriety should be the most important thing. Get to a meeting and you will see you are not alone. I promise you.
Oh man we’ve all been there it’s the disease wants you back! Everytime you fight the urges you get stronger and you fight it by going to meetings working a program and doing some step work on yourself , so you can love yourself! Also getting a sponsor who can guide you through the process.. you are worth a better version of yourself everyday you get stronger than the last don’t give up on yourself and forget about what other people think especially if you are doing everything you can to stay sober and clean 
much love . Here’s where the meetings are virtualna.org or aa-intergroup.org
I drank because I couldn’t quiet the thoughts too and let me tell you it was so lonely and isolating. I felt like everyone was against me and everyone hated me. Turns out nobody hated me, everyone loved me they were just worried about me and they didn’t know how to help. The fellowship of AA provides a great place to not feel alone and make sober friends which is a perfect way to stay sober. I found a meeting that made me feel like I belong and I never felt that way before. You have that to look forward to and you always have people to help as long as you reach your hand out.
Building community here and in whatever way speaks to you 
Hope you are feeling better today. There are a lot of people on here that genuinely care and want to help. Hope you can connect and feel part of this wonderful community of support. We need you. We want you. Hope you decide to stay and grow with us 