The longer God keeps us waiting, the bigger the blessing he blesses us with
Same situation here. My husband and I are separated and I'm on my sober journey. The emotional roller coaster is real. I will say, what I've decided to focus on is just my sobriety because with or without him that's most important. I don't want a divorce but I certainly don't want the marriage we had. We agree that much. In the end, it's his loss if he doesn't get to be married to the better version of you. Getting divorced is way easier than loving your self enough to stay sober. All the messiness of splitting up will happen. It's inevitable but eventually you know it will be fine and work out in the end. You got over your other relationships to be in this one. In sobriety what I'm learning in my own situation is this is a time for me to be happy and proud of myself not sad because my marriage potentially ending. It most literally is his loss to miss out on the me I'm becoming. I say, today focus just on you and how far you have come and be happy on how awesome you are doing.
Don't give up, play the tape all the way through and chill until God places where you need to be, He did it for me He most definitely wants to do it for you peace my friend and I am here anytime
Same here , left my alcoholic husband 6 years ago then 13 months later my only son passed away due to medical malpractice and negligence. Then I lost myself. Had 21 years clean, relapsed the day he passed. I have nothing except God and 1 friend the that took me in. Plus I'm in pretty bad health. Anyway I start putting the pieces of me back together 15 months ago. I'm getting better although so alone and scared.
Just remember no matter what, putting poison in our bodies only hurts us, so we don't do it.
Whenever I get the feeling of impending doom, I alleviate it with a glass of water. I swear it works for me at least in the moment.