I feel very trapped by the harmful patterns in nearly all of my relationships that has been going on since childhood. It escalated in the last 8 years. In 2023 - 2024 it reached its peak. It still hasnt fully subsided. I am struggling because I have a fear it will continue on in the future in all of my relationships. These arent just interpersonal or familial, I am talking also career, business, realtors, etc and otherwise.
Its too much to explain but I am being gaslighted by the world often. I am also being accused and blamed for things not of my doing. I am being mistreated with violence and disdain from people I have done absolutely nothing wrong to or have not instigated in anyway.
It is disturbing. It is so difficult because no change in my life prevents it from recurring. Although I keep making changes to find a permanent solution.
I continuw seeking counsel from my sponsor, therapists, AA, and from spiritual advisors. I ask my higher power for guidance.
I cant live in a world I am afraid of. It makes me not want to try to better my situation anymore, but I have to try because its my only hope out of a life I despise.
I tried this before, completely alcohol-free too, and it still ended in ruin.
I feel very lost and troubled. I keep praying. I keep hoping. Somedays, it just isn't enough. I need actual results. Not just wishes for peace, stability, safety, and success - but actual substantial, sustaining, and external proof of this in MY life.