I feel trapped

Recovery
#1

I feel very trapped by the harmful patterns in nearly all of my relationships that has been going on since childhood. It escalated in the last 8 years. In 2023 - 2024 it reached its peak. It still hasnt fully subsided. I am struggling because I have a fear it will continue on in the future in all of my relationships. These arent just interpersonal or familial, I am talking also career, business, realtors, etc and otherwise.

Its too much to explain but I am being gaslighted by the world often. I am also being accused and blamed for things not of my doing. I am being mistreated with violence and disdain from people I have done absolutely nothing wrong to or have not instigated in anyway.

It is disturbing. It is so difficult because no change in my life prevents it from recurring. Although I keep making changes to find a permanent solution.

I continuw seeking counsel from my sponsor, therapists, AA, and from spiritual advisors. I ask my higher power for guidance.

I cant live in a world I am afraid of. It makes me not want to try to better my situation anymore, but I have to try because its my only hope out of a life I despise.

I tried this before, completely alcohol-free too, and it still ended in ruin.

I feel very lost and troubled. I keep praying. I keep hoping. Somedays, it just isn't enough. I need actual results. Not just wishes for peace, stability, safety, and success - but actual substantial, sustaining, and external proof of this in MY life.

9 Likes
#2

Then maybe those aren't your people if you aren't embraced unconditionally. Take a step back and take notice of the perspective. I'm sorry you feel lost so in order to regain control of your efforts, what do you think you can do differently to foster a different effective outcome?

3 Likes
#3

Sam, I hope you don't mind me calling you Sam. I read all you had to say, and it's like you took the words right out of my mouth.
I've been clean for 23 years and 4 years ago I relapsed and I'm still having trouble getting back on the right track I got six days sober again I've been fighting back and forth this past couple of years and it's not been easy it's been a total roller coaster with every aspect of my being in my existing. Every don't know what I can say but that weeknd your works to me and I just Say that I wish you the best in the States t myself take care

1 Like
#4

You have to change your story. Let go of the past. I was stuck in victim consciousness most of my life until I realized I expected all of the treatment I got in relationships and my business… even friends met me exactly where I said they would. 100s of employees and clients all showed me the unworthiness I felt inside. Finally took a step back to see I created all of it! We all do!!!! I started working with a guy in canada doing reframing work about 8 months ago and it has changed my life. Change your mind change your world!! I know your pain with the patterns they dont go away overnight but it is possible to change them with being still enough to hear whats being said and replacing and especially knowing they were just unknowingly passed down for generations and picked up through our lives! Dont give up on yourself! You are very powerful soul that just needed a reminder from me! :heart:

3 Likes
#5

I re read your post and it pretty much explains my life before. Home work relationships and even strangers. AA/therapist will not ever change your story you carry and the deep beliefs you hold about yourself and others. You have to go inside to change that and ignore the outside world. Once you get all of you cleaned up on the inside you will see change. Im really sorry to say but admitting Im an alcoholic in AA is just confirming something you dont want anymore. I luckily only went to one meeting and saw through the bull of dragging the past into present. Yes we picked up habits but they arent a life sentence. Therapist want to bring the past into explaining whats going on with behaviors. None of it makes sense but to say hey I dont like playing that character anymore this is who I am now and stay there. Ive been sober 5 years and did it on my own and I dont even think about that old version cause it doesnt exist right now. I have amazing books and videos to help you through all of this and free you!

1 Like
#6

The only amends we need to make for some people is just to know when to walk away. I get it, too. They aren't going to just come out and say that you're too good for them, but that's what it is and they know it and harbor animosity because of it.

#7

Send me them