I had a rough day

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#1

I had a rough day. I worked 13 hours straight, mostly on my feet, with only a 15 minute break. I wanted to stop for a drink so bad. Some days it’s so hard to say no. Part of me wants to just give up and give in. Maybe this time I can control it. Maybe this time it won’t affect my kids. Maybe this time I won’t black out and drive home drunk. There are a lot of maybes in there. This is all so depressing that I just want to cry. There’s a certain loneliness that comes with sobriety. At the bar everybody is your friend. I miss being able to meet people so easily. Anyway, I can taste the whiskey tonight and not partaking me is killing me.

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#2

Stressful day

#3

Stay strong Dani. I know it is tough, remember the reasons you have not to drink. And remember what happens when you do. I'm praying for you

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#4

Really tough for those,who are not exposed

#5

Man do I feel this so heavily. Sometimes it just hits so hard. Everything we have planned in our heads as a reminder to stay sober suddenly seems so hard or not so bad when we get in that place. I dont have kids and its not even the same thing, but i have a puppy and i constantly think of him when i want to drink. I guess they say if youre fantasizing about drinking, to finish the whole thing, consequences and all. The other day I felt so ashamed and sad because I played through the whole scene and still thought i could make excuses and go through with it. I gave it more thought and I just broke down thinking of coming home sneaking into the house and in no way could I avoid my puppy coming up to me excited to greet me. Knowing ive had him since a baby, I dont want him to ever know how the old me was . It hurt to rethink the fantasy and to go through with it and think i would really be okay with it. Addiction is so horribly creative sometimes, and depression is a dirty liar. Shame is such a heavy and isolating emotion. We are more than our addictions, our depression, traumas, and urges. All the words in the world arent always enough to be happy and clean. But communicating a bad day and knowing what caused it. And even being aware of how drinking affects our life. Shame can ruin the way we perceive ourselves. But love and acceptance is much more powerful and honest.

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