I had almost a month and a half and relapsed after therapy yesterday. I have all the tools and wonderful support, I dont know why I fight to use them/ignore them when I get in my head I “need” a drink/substance. i struggle with honesty in the weak moments, my support system doesn’t fully understand or believe that I disassociate and turn into a different version of myself with a different set of values, and I constantly am fighting with her and I feel like it’s a losing battle that will either kill me or leave me in a dark, disgusting place.
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Don't give up keep trying. Maybe start adding more people to your support group that understand you. Make a plan so you know what to do when this happens
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I have come to believe that what you describe is part of my disease. Despite having knowledge, I seem to have been born with this self sabotage gene. After many years and attempts to control things, I have come to believe that I don’t have “sufficient” power to control myself when it comes to alcohol/substances. I have plugged into a daily recovery program which I can plug into to give me more power to fight this disease. It works if you work it. If you continue to struggle with relapse, I suggest you try a 12 step group.
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