I try and try to get passed this craziness. I have tried praying and seeking God’s guidance. I have went to a few AA meetings which I enjoy. My problem is that I work from home. I have been in a depressed state this whole year. So on days like today when I feel I am depressed, I just start drinking. Bc I don’t want to feel pain and emotional turmoil. I dealt with that my whole life bc my dad was verbally abusive. I really feel I will never get out of this. 
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Go to more than a few meetings. Find ones that you like, or at least, don't hate. Be a marathon meeting goer. It helps you get outside of yourself. Then, when you see someone else share at a meeting, and they are struggling, go talk to them after the meeting. You'll be pretty amazed at how helping someone else helps you.
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Awareness is a great place to start. Without it, we just automatically (unconsciously) run to our DOC to numb the uncomfortable feelings. Now the hard part is feeling these feelings. Today you have a choice to drink or not to drink. Your made a choice to not drink and share this with us. You are making other good choices like going to AA meetings. If you got any phone numbers from people you met from meetings, now would be a great time to reach out and let them know you are struggling. Maybe you could start journaling your feelings. Maybe you can put together a gratitude list. Maybe you can say the serenity prayer. The feelings will slowly get less intense and you will feel better. Keep trying these new tools to help you get thru these difficult moments. You can do it
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