I hate relapsing but I keep doing it
I always feel awful about myself
I cannot stand myself
I am aware that I have made progress and that I only really lose if I stop trying at all but it so hard to acknowledge when I all I can see is how weak I am for relapsing again and again. My day was not good every time I relapsed
It’s like nothing matters anymore I
Do not want to do anything that day knowing all of that I still chose to torture myself
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I've been there and don't miss that misery!..I finally grew some patience in trying to feel better without the bottle and stuck with meetings long enough to know that it really does work. And it really hasn't been too difficult, cause I simply stick with my meetings. You can do this too if you really want it!
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Hey Caroline. I know you’ve heard it before and I heard it many times as well, but first off. Take a breath and give yourself a break so you can think. (Easier said than done I know) What’s has your plan of action been in the past? What do you do to stop when you have stopped?
Wow. Ok. Would you like sugar or would you like fact?
That was my problem until I got myself into a wonderful Detox Hospital and was put on withdrawal medication to help with that because I drank right up to the minute I walked in the ER. I stayed there 9 days. Best thing ever. I left with an entire recovery team. After the hospital I immediately started an “intensive outpatient program” for a few weeks and from there they offered my Early Recovery Group which I have been too 100 times so far. I will have 33 months sober. The first 24 I was on Campral which is a cravings medication.
Now if you keep relapsing my thought is you don’t have any of these support people. I honestly, from my own experience believe most people can’t stop on their own. I know there will be comments about that I am only telling you my journey.
Sounds like you definitely need to be medically detoxed and get on a preventative medication. Get a recovery group. Get the booze out of your home.
I don’t mean to sound corse it’s just that I am so compassionate about recovery because I lost my brother to this rotten disease he was yellow and my dear friend bled out in him car from his alcoholism. I just wish the best for everyone. Please build your team. Get a counselor, a recovery coach, sober friends are the best. Good luck. It can happen but you have to “want” it
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Our supporters are often what push us to relapse. It can be good to take a break from even them. I had to cut myself off from everyone to make it past. Treatment was required for sober practice, but it's really a blessing that hit me. I asked for Faith.
I fall down but I get up again.
Please get a sober support system, that is, a group of friends that are also addicts/alcoholics who know what you're going through, that you can call on when you're needing help.
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If you have the right support team I am sorry but I don’t believe this. It has to be people who are there for each other no matter what. My support group have pulled me through a few tough times especially the holidays when my daughter never bothered to see us. If it wasn’t for them calling me and coming to see me I may have lost it. Plus my ERG meetings. The right support team should not lead you back out. If that happens wrong support people or just an excuse for the addict
I hear you guys . I need to find online meetings to attend.
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Are you tired of falling down? I have a friend like that. She came to zoom meetings and sometimes you could tell she was drunk. The longest she strung together was one month. Well she is back out there even after she ended up in the hospital vomiting blood and blood in her urine. One of my recovery friends that just turned 40 and waiting for a liver transplant asked me to send my other friend a message that she started off just like that vomiting blood etc. so I did well guess what haven’t heard from her since. It’s a shame because she is headed in the same direction which my friend tried to tell her. You have to really want this sobriety because if you don’t it won’t stick. My only hope is that you find sobriety before it’s too late. Best wishes.
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Do you have more than just meetings? If you don’t please broaden your recovery group. AA meetings are not always enough unless you go inperson and make friends.
I have done that many times. Only think about today. You just need to be sober today.
Hey Carline,
I know the feeling. Sometimes I have to ask myself if I’m purposely sabotaging myself. Sure most alcoholics have split personalities (at least 2) lol. But I do try to focus on the good too. Cause doubt any of us are all bad. I’m grateful for the awareness to recognize my mistakes and still have the opportunity to do better. Even though we all slip sometimes. The fact that it bothers you and you wanna correct it means a lot. And (god willing) we all find our way/ place
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