I hate where I am and who I see. Another amazing opportunity down the drain from all of this dysfunction. I really wanted the job with Tesla yet I'm forced to acknowledge that if I truly wanted it I would have been as determined not to get high as I was to make sure I had time to take a few hits before my group zoom interview. It breaks my heart that all ive ever wanted was to make it in a world i dont even know how to function in. I have never seen stability or positive productivity before. Except in books. Yet I know its where I want to be. Anyway got a call that Tesla has decided not to move forward due to past experience with my dependability. A part of me wants to challenge it simply cuz I know i have a mouthpiece and could probably prevail the other part has to admit that although I could justify my reliability on the dcsf case I was dealing with and ultimately the impact of having my parental rights terminated. I dont want to make excuses yet I realize that there is an unexpected amount of guilt and remorse and pain associated with losing you son after being a single mom for 12yrs then to add insult to injury he gets adopted by my ex dealer who is only my ex because she severed ties with me not with the dope. It kills me i could go on and on but for what? It changes nothing i still have no Son, job at Tesla and seems every opportunity I ruin. Is it a result of my addiction or am I using to cope with the turmoil. I just can't seem to catch a break. Since I was born i have endured enough to make grown men in prison cry. Shit no one should have to know let alone more then one on this level. I still smile tho and truly do yearn to jus finally be happy. I don't know if I'm too broken to achieve this? I do know the only thing standing in my way is me
Felicia, your story really touched me. I do appreciate you sharing it. There’s so much strength in vulnerability. You seem to be a good person with a good heart who wants to do the right thing for yourself and your son. Your past does not define you. Your addiction does not define you. Whether it was the chicken or the egg, doesn’t matter. Try and get some sober time under your belt and other things will fall into place too. I can’t begin to understand the trauma you’ve endured, but I’ve endured some too and I want you to know we do recover. You CAN recover. you will.
Felicia, I am so sorry. My heart truly breaks. But you are strong. You recognize which areas need improvement. You are strong. If Tesla is a dream don't give up. Keep working towards that. Make the change that's needed. In a few months or years reapply and reach out to the HR team.
Three things you should never give up on, you sobriety, your kids, and your dreams. Every set back is a reminder how we have to keep pressing on. Keep moving and some day you will look back and say I hate where I was but it brought me to where I am.
Wow
Hi Felicia. Have things have improved? Are you making changes?