I have a question….my ex girlfriend is a big part of my shame guilt bc of what I put her thru, so se wants to meet for me to get the last of things almost a year later……so my question is should I go??
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Sounds like a good time for a 9th step. We don’t make amends only for the other person. It is also so we can forgive ourselves. As long it it won’t harm her, yeah I would say go for it. Talk to your sponsor if you have one.
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I have tried she is not ready and I tried to force it once before ended badly and I will try again if I go the problem is my heart is still with her but she has such a wall up bc of everything I put her thru which is her right and at the same time I would like the last of my stuff back
Well, ask a friend or your sponsor to help you get the stuff. You absolutely can not force an amends… if she requested you come get the stuff, then go, be humble, say thank you and leave it at that. If there is going to be any conversation let her initiate it. And if it is heading to a brow beating or yelling, walk away. Good luck my man.
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This is a great idea
Thank you Tim and I mean that for realz
Anytime bud
Bingo
Opportunity for an amends it seems.
Remember, the book states that we do not look at their part at all. No matter how glaring. This is our inventory, not theirs. As for help before you go and before you speak.
Take your time G enough said we are men and we also need time
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When is the last time you drank / or used? If this girl still has your heart and you’ve been working on yourself and living a healthier life without substance abuse sounds like a good opportunity to show her how much you’ve changed. Don’t know the whole story but yes I would definitely go.
Cut ties, move on. Never apologize to women. Not a good idea. Honestly if you don’t want the stuff, don’t even go over to her house.
Follow your heart make amends for yourself not her. If you doing better today she will see that. Listen she don't have to forgive you. At this point it's step 9 you do these things so you will be at peace.
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You can pick your stuff up but I would leave the relation stuff go for right now and work on you and your sobriety. I see you have about 7 months. I'm not a professional but based on my experience and what I was taught you should really wait for a year before you start making decisions about relationships or anything else major.
I would put step 9 off and definitely not force it on her. She may not be ready for it. Just be nice and give it a year. By the way, speaking of the 12 steps what about the proceeding steps? Have you gotten into the 12 Steps at all with a sponsor? I would not consider a step nine unless you've talked it over with a sponsor and done the proceeding eight steps. They're in an order for a reason.
Just my view
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I’d apologize get my stuff and bounce
Do what feels right for you. I left an abusive and toxic relationship a few years ago. Leaving was sudden and it took me a while to heal. Talking to my ex after some time. and him acknowledging what he did and a half Apology did give me some closure. I’m guessing it gave him closure as well. Not only that, for me…..Ending something on a good terms feels so much better than the alternative of leaving things under the rug of toxicity!
Do what’s best for you, think of you for once. Not her. She’s no longer your responsibility and she will be ok, she will heal too!
Best wishes on your journey!
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No I’m on step four
I'm really glad that you're taking the steps Robert. They will pay off in dividends I promise. Talk this over with your sponsor and see what your sponsor thinks about all this. Keep doing what you're doing
Thanks man went better than I expected but your right I need my time too
Nice to hear that.
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