I have been reflecting on my past and why I

Recovery
#1

I have been reflecting on my past and why I chose to use drugs and alcohol to solve my problems and what I have learned is that unfortunately my parents were so neglectful and so manipulative that they were actually extremely abusive
And stole my right to make my own choices for my own life by telling me
I MUST always put others needs above my own because what I wanted didn't matter!!! And that making others happy was the only way to receive Love and Acceptance

And I spent 42 years making other people happy so they would love me and accept me and be my friends

And all it ever made me want to do for myself was drink and use drugs to help me forget how much I hated myself because I only ever did what others wanted even if I knew it was wrong so they would like me

And I absolutely hated myself
And resented my parents and resented all my friends

It's so incredibly sad to me now

And I am working on fixing it... But
I just can't make peace with the fact that I lost 42 years of my life
I lost my own four children... Who never want to see or speak to me again

Because my parents wouldn't allow me to have a say in my own life while I was living under their roof

They ruined my life
And they keep blaming me for choosing a man who was abusive and letting him abuse me..

But they abused me too...
So abuse is really all I know

And I'm happy I'm sober and I'm happy I have seen the light and I'm so grateful that God has shown me the truth

But I'm so angry for all the things I lost!!!

Does anyone have any advice??

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#2

I’m sorry that’s a really tough background that you had gone through. Unfortunately, none of us can change the past. All we could do is move forward and make each day the best we can make it. You are definitely doing the right thing by opening up on a platform where people understand where you’re coming from.

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#3

I’m really sorry you went through that. Thank you for trusting people with something that deep. What you experienced was real, and it makes sense that substances became a way to cope. Don’t let the grief over lost time and relationships take another day from you. The fact that you’re sober and seeing things clearly now is something many never get. Forgiveness is for you. It’s hard, but it’s part of giving yourself a chance at peace.

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#4

Thank you so much Mark I appreciate that. I shared it at my meeting this morning as well and they all said Just remember to take it one day at a time!!

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#5

Thank you so much Crissy!! I absolutely appreciate that so much more than you know!
That's exactly what I want to do! I know It will take lots of work :blush: but my higher power is with me and guiding me and I am so grateful for that piece of it ... That I just want to accept it and give it God and never let it happen again.. so yeah thanks that was great advice

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#6

@nikki365414 What you went through is not cool. I wish someone was there to protect you. A real MAN would do everything to keep you safe from harm and abuse.

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#7

I'm sorry you went through all the abuse, but your clean and sober now, your future is yours to walk as you wish turn it into dreams come true, you can you know, life is full of choices I'm so sorry you never got to make your own, but that's past stop looking back, look to your future and start make the choices you want to make and smile because you got this

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#8

Hey handsome knocking

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#9

You didn't mention what age you were at when they said those things. Age 12 or age 32 is a big difference. When I was in age 12 range my parents referenced some of the same. You and I both chose to start using. It was a choice. I never blame my usage on my parents. I tried what others wanted as well to fit in, you didn't need to hate yourself for it. Making others happy is part of being human. Would anyone ever like me or you if we didn't make an effort to show interest in what makes them happy? I lost a 17 year marriage because I didn't make her happy and pay enough attention.

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#10

Therapy is working for me. There's a good book : adult children of emotional immature parents.

#11

It's good that you now know, and Knowing is half the battle. Lots of love and blessings