I have been sober for almost 4 years now. This last week I almost relapsed. I was looking to buy coke and thank god I cut myself off of all of those relationships but I am worried that I am going to give into the temptation soon
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Has something in your life changed?
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I went through a break up about 4 months ago. I have been living with my brother and his family since then. My dad tried to kill himself around that time too. I thought I had everything under control. I think it might just all be catching up with me
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Are you in a program?
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No I actually got sober without a program, I pretty much just cut myself out of the lives of people I could be triggered around. I have really thought of getting into something lately, especially since now I don't really have many people I can talk to that can relate
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It is easy to say this what I will do or what I will choose to do given this is script to follow or behaviors that are displayed so I must at accordingly in such a manner as those who come before me due to it is what people do who exhibit the same behaviors as I do... There is no script you write your own story. I am doing it without a program and have over 4 and half years sober. I am in some dark days myself at the moment .yet I know there is nothing for me back there. Yes it is tempting yet I know as stuff I made it through before. I can make it through this too.
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You're right, I appreciate that words of encouragement. I'm glad I downloaded this app. It's just sometimes nice to hear from people who can relate. That is really the only reason I was debating on going to find a meeting.
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Most welcome. Go to a meeting or don't go to a meeting. All I know is what works best for me. This is your journey good sir. Find what works best for you 
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Please try to get to meetings. Going back will not help you. Just going to send you back to probably a deeper addiction. Good luck. Reach out. 
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Don’t throw away 5 years man just know that everyday is going to be hard but with the walls of sobriety and your higher power nothing is passing it
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I'm going to a meeting tonight, hopefully I can meet some local people and actually start to build a community instead of just isolating myself
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Dont worry about ""soon""" worry about today... the stronger the urge the better the recovery... "i am sick , getting better."
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I relapsed after about 4 1/2 years earlier last year. Similar to you; bad breakup , grandma death. It wasn't til a month after those events that I picked up. In the AA I've attended, they said we make the decision to relapse way before we actually use so ya know they're spitting some truth for sure. Anyhew, I had stayed sober by myself prior to that 4.5 year sobriety (detox in hospital technically), but this last time I've actually done a medical detox and then AA focused rehab and feel much better about this stint ...far more stable, so, I hope you utilize the groups at least or a sober living facility to be around other sober folks (you are clearly past detox /early rehab). There is also a program called SMART that is adjacent to AA that is more cognitive -based if you wanna check that out too . Whatever works my man. Good luck
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Thanks Derek, I was actually reading the same thing about making the decision before actually using. I looked it up because I was wondering why now after all of this time did I even attempt to get some coke. But like you said the decision already happened way before and I just wasn't aware of it. I am going to check to see if there is a smart program in my area. I would be interested in the cognitive side of this for sure.
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I’m so proud of you. And it’s so encouraging to read
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You got kids man? Think of them
Isn't that the insane part of addiction, I do have 2 daughters and I did actively think of them. The shitty part is that if I found some I would have still bought it. Just to be clear I haven't relapsed and went to a meeting today. Thank you for everyone on here for showing your support. I appreciate all of you reaching out!
So you're going to believe the Big lie? That this time, everything will be OK?
You know it won't be. It never is.
Play the scene forward. What happens if you drink? You'll feel some relief for a very short period of time. But sooner or later you're going to end up right back where you are right now, you'll be carrying around much guilt, realizing that you accomplished absolutely nothing!
Whatever you're going through it's not bad enough to drink.
I highly recommend that if you're not going to meetings already that you start.
Don't fall for the big lie that alcohol feeds us!
I was sober for almost 9 years when I relapsed. It cost me 3 years of oblivion. Biggest mistake of my life!
You have to have some form of defense against the disease when it roars it’s ugly head. Doing it yourself is cool but you need a backup. 12 step Meetings, higher power, therapy, confidant, sponsor, whatever works for you but you need more than yourself for the times that yourself is overwhelmed. Hope this helps.
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I highly suggest a program my friend. I was sober for 7 years without one, white knuckling, and relapsed at the end. Now, on 2/28, I will celebrate 3 years sober within a 12-step fellowship and I have never been more free in my entire life. We can’t do this alone forever.
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