I have failed again :((
hey. I'm new here. I literally just signed up 20 minutes ago. but said "again", so I'm assuming you have relapsed before? I did the same thing...for years until I finally got serious. I became "willing to go to any length". I did what I was told to do, by ppl who had more time than I did (every one had more time than me). I did things I didn't want to do. I did things that had nothing to do with booze. drugs. or recovery (I thought). I got a sponsor, I joined a group, I got a job in that group, I got active in that group, I started to ask for help by getting on my knees and 
praying ( it felt awkward and phony) but I did it anyway. I asked my sponsor questions... like "how do I pray?" it wasn't easy. I felt weak, embarrassed, stupid, but I did it. I had to realize that this was life or death for me. ppl were dying every day by doing the sh*t I was doing everyday. you can do this, but you can't do it alone, nobody can. you're not supposed to do it alone. ask for Help, then accept the help in any form it may come in.