I have never been open about my usage to anyone but people I’ve used with in fifteen years- I’m now in my early thirties. I’m terrified and ashamed to acknowledge that part of me. It’s hard to receive support if no one even knows you need it. I work full time, am getting a masters degree, on paper I look like I have my life together- in reality I’m massively struggling.
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You are not alone
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Do you have access to any recovery resources or people?
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I was looking into NA meetings- I went when I was younger and my parents knew I had an issue. I have a therapist who doesn’t know everything but just tiny pieces. Most of my “friends” are not sober so they are not helpful in trying to remain clean.
It sounds like it is time to start building your recovery community 
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You should really try some meetings. Talk about it in the open. It will help out tremendously. It will be lifted off your chest.
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Hey Laura! I went back to meetings and I have got my life back. I also came clean to my therapist at that same time. I feel the weight of the world has lifted off my shoulders now that I’m
Not living that double life. You can do it too!!
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We all are bv alone but love and trust god and he will never leave you.
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I am scared to death but we can do this!
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I am really only open regarding my use history with fellow addicts. Life can get better but having people to share the darkness with helps me live in the light.
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The more I shared with other people, the easier it got. I was never honest with anyone, I was lying to the EMT who was trying to save my life. I agree with others. Open up to your therapist, find a support group and as hard as it is, find new friends. Best wishes, you can do it if you want it.
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Welcome to the club. Seems like we all start there. Not wanting to admit we have a problem. Not wanting to admit we have a disease. It's step one.....
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Believe in yourself then it’s done
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Lots of is lead a double life. It gets exhausting. Glad you are here
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Welcome 
Laura. You are not alone. You are in the right place to get the support you need. Recovery is a we program. We do this together. We help each other. It’s when we talk about our struggles we can help someone else with theirs….
One question I asked myself early on in sobriety was “what’s one thing I can do different this time?”
And once I made that decision I changed everything about me to now really learn who I really am inside and outside.
Life is blissfully beautiful sober
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Start with your therapist they know your holding it in and there waiting for you to open the door.let yourself be ripped open and and you will be rewarded and ways you can't even think is possible untill you have done it
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You’re going to have to let somebody in her can’t do this by yourself
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Laura,
I could have wrote this same message-
Early 30s
Getting Masters
“Seems to have it together, but I can’t seem to get off this ride”
Day 1 for me
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the fact that you still put so much on your plate while you keep all of your reality in is super hard. I know that the last thing you want to do is to put things on others, but you’re actually connecting with them and you’ll start to see if they’re worthy of being in your life or not. Honestly the hardest thing for me was to admit I am an addict and to open up to others about it, but that itself gave me so much growth. I lost many people including my mother and my best friend, but I gained such a deeper connection with myself and my father. You are so strong and so worthy of acknowledging all that you are. It’s one thing to be judged for being an addict, but if you’re an addict in recovery, people are projecting onto you because they can’t express how your strength makes them feel. You’re worthy, happy holidays (:
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