I’m dating a recovering addict. I found shrooms in a bag that he takes everywhere with him. I feel guilty going through his stuff. How do I approach him?
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Ugh…that’s a tough one? What were the circumstances of you going thru his stuff? We’re you suspicious? Regardless, I suppose you should just be honest. Try to approach it in a caring, concerned, and kind way. It’s nothing you should take personally. We addicts are just sick. Hope he gets help, and you feel well about it 
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Well, looks like he isn’t recovering after all. Your decision to keep with someone using.
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In my opinion, addiction is about life & death. Hurt feelings come way behind.
And is he really recovering if he has mushrooms in his possession?
If he wasn't honest with you to begin with, it appears you finding these is more about him than you.
As addicts, we do not get the benefit of the doubt.
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I do not envy the conversation you will have. Don’t go at him accusatory. Just ask the questions. If he is truly recovering or trying to he should be honest with you. Good luck
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So this may be a little out there, but could he be microdosing? I have a psychiatrist that uses microdosing of shrooms for depression and addiction. Granted, he doesn't have them in a clinical setting, which is suspicious, but he could be trying to conquer his addiction. It's a long shot, but possible.
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I don't think you should be going through his stuff, you should tell him that you did. Your honesty has the chance to let him be honest.
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Just be straightforward. Obviously there's a trust issue if you're going through his stuff. Can't blame yourself for being curious if he's being honest. As addicts we break that trust barrier with people and everything becomes a doubt to them. When and if you confront him be honest and speak the truth blunt. Just so there's no mixed feelings or signals in between. If he is someone who is serious about his recovery he'll thank you for calling him out. That's who people like us need in their life. Strong and someone who doesn't buy into our billit. Be strong and if he becomes negative get the F* out of there it's not worth it and doesn't want to change yet. If he cares about you he'll find the help and prove to you he's capable and make sure you have no thoughts of doubt. Best to you and don't forget to think of your happiness in this situation first. You can't risk yours for someone who doesn't want it for himself.
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The red flag resides with you Sarah. I hope he knows you’re someone that doesn’t have respect for boundaries or autonomy.
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Don't beat this woman up or make her feel as if she's wrong. There's trust issues and as addict myself, I DONT SEE ANYTHING WRONG WITH IT. Sh** maybe if I had someone like that in my life when I was sabotaging my life I would have done it sooner. Find the positive here, instead of being a typical guy who is staying true to the "bro code". He's an addict and it would have came out eventually. We all slip up and the truth comes to light. Besides don't you care about the situation she could have been put in? She thinks he's sober and then one night he goes ape *hit and does something or says he regrets that can't be fixed. Look at all sides before you voice an opinion is my only take on this one..best to you.
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So it's her fault now.. maybe he should have been honest with her. Why does he feel the need to lie and hide? Why didn't he mention it to her? What else is he keeping from her? Come on man, I'm gonna stand tall on my soapbox on this one. Shes the victim and he's a fool for leaving his things out. If he really wanted to keep it a secret, he wouldn't have been so careless.
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For going through his stuff, yes. His addiction is own just like the rest of us.
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You must have issues like this kid too..grow up and realize when your caught your caught. What happens if they were together, cop pulls them over and the addict that he is says it's hers? So many negative possibilities can come out of this but the only positive is that she had the gut feeling not to trust him. She thought of herself first and that was the right thing to do. Not going to argue with someone who doesn't know how to be an adult too. Take care.
Also I'm not gonna play fight with you over the internet. She asked for opinions. She received opinions.
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Presumptuous of you to suggest I live by a cultural “bro code,” but I appreciate the irony and projection on your end. Person to person, if you feel the need to violate someones space without their consent then it is YOU that is wrong. Don’t trust them? Remove yourself. I don’t care if you think he is smoking PCP it is simply not your place to invade their boundaries. If we are speaking about people who experience addiction, we should understand the various stages and cycles regarding coping and relapse.
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I understand that she should know the stages and cycles addicts go through. That's irrelevant and straightforward. The fact that she felt the need to go through his stuff could have been a build up his nonsense and trust issues that are blatant. Besides when you're in a relationship and if you both live together, are there really any boundaries? If you have nothing to hide you shouldn't be worried. That is only when a boundary is broken.
This person has 4+ years of sobriety. Pretty sure she will figure it out. Hope the dumping in here helped some.
He feels the need to lie and hide because she goes through his stuff. Fairly obvious.
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Tommy, thank you for the compassion! I posted an update. I probably should have let people know about my 4+ years sobriety. Some of the comments made me realize that people can be sober and still toxic. Yikes! Thank you for the kind words!
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I can’t help but notice the patriarchy is showing its a$$ on this thread. I also appreciate Tommy’s compassion. Let us know how it turns out.
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