I haven’t been on here in a while.
All I really have to say is—I messed up. Bad. So bad I don’t even know where to start. Something happened that broke me more than I already was, and I gave up on myself again. I drank. I ended up in a holding cell, in just my boxers, for 16 hours. That’s not anyone’s fault but mine. My actions got me there.
And it didn’t stop there. I’ve slipped more times since then. Maybe it’s jealousy. Maybe it’s pain. Maybe I’m just weak—or maybe I’ve just hit a point where I don’t know where my boundaries even are anymore. All I know is I lost my chips. My coins. My sobriety. I started smoking cigarettes again. Started smoking weed again. I made those choices.
After someone kicked in a door, I got tackled by ten cops. Now I’ve got a new charge hanging over my head. My yard’s dead because I couldn’t bring myself to care for it. I don’t even have the money to fix up my Delta 88. I’m 40 now. Addiction is one bad of a thing.
I haven’t seen a single friend in months. I’m ashamed. And I don’t even know how to start climbing out of this hole.
…you’re not alone