I just turned 41 and didnt make my own birthday party because I was smoking crack all night. Its not even fun. All it does is make me so extremely paranoid. I hallucinate lights everywhere and think there is drones looking in my windows. Its actually terrifying. I need to stop. Its my addiction to alcohol that is the first problem though. I drink and when im twisted I give the call. I need to grow up as Ive been doing this my whole life. Im so sick of it but cant stop. Even though its painfull. Doesnt make sense.
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What’s your plan? If you truly are ready to accept step one… ? Do you think it applies to you? Only you can identify and accept whether you’re an alcoholic or an addict? Do you believe that your life has become unmanageable due to drugs and alcohol?
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Yes I definitely accept step 1. Life is completely unmanageable. Thank you for the reply. Yes I will be at 12 step tomorrow. Gotta do it.
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It makes perfect sense because we are addicts, we have a disease of addiction. If it were that easy to just stop on our own we would have done it years ago...I was a Meth addict for 30 plus years today I am almost 5 years clean but not without admitting I was powerless over my addiction and putting the work in every single day to stay clean...It's not a quick fix, it's a life change...
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Do it brother, there's an app for that, go to the Play store or wherever you download your apps and download "Meeting Place". It's the official AA app and it will tell you about all of the meetings and groups in your area which day and which time. Trust me when I say it's the best thing that you can possibly do to change your life and be surrounded by those that understand what you're going through and are there to help guide you to the path of sobriety. Please go tomorrow, I guarantee you if you stick with it, it will change your life 
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I quit 6 and 8 months ago. I know it's hard but there's tons of help out there man. If ya ever wanna talk about my journey send me a message.
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I can relate praying for strength 
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