I just want to be the best mom I possibly can to my two littles, but am stuck
in a negative cycle and I’m in an emotionally abusive relationship I’m too scared to end. Anyone else going through similar? So hard to find people who understand
2 Likes
Not currently in an abusive relationship, but my drinking escalated during one in my late teens/early 20s. It’s hard to leave even without kids, they manipulate you to the point where you don’t know when it’s supposedly acceptable to call it quits.
Do you need any help finding resources in your area? It’s almost impossible to heal or improve if you’re in constant survival mode. I couldn’t even start processing my trauma until I was in a secure living arrangement, let alone find healthy ways to cope with it.
1 Like
I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for 7 years right up until November before I left for rehab. I know now I was drinking because of the relationship. I left him a million times and always went back.
I didn’t have a drinking problem when I met him and you won’t believe how many times I tried to quit throughout the relationship. I was miserable w him. He was so mean and belittling. He wrecked me but I’m doing great now. He wants me back every day. I went out with him a few times this summer to see if I had any feelings left and I don’t. I don’t know how I was interested in him. He’s not as smart as I thought he was. He’s not as good looking as I used to think he was. I could go on but you get it.
I was 36 when I hooked up with him. I’m 44 now. Don’t waste your youth or younger years on him. Plus your kids will remember you letting him abuse you and then they might think that his behavior is ok.
There’s a Netflix limited series called Maid you should watch. It just came out.
2 Likes
I just really feel like I’ll never get healthy again until he’s gone. My son is only four but he recently told me his memory of our other house (we recently moved) is of mommy crying a lot. That crushed me, but then at the same time I’m terrified to tell their dad to leave. I’ll try watching the series you recommended. Please send courage my way. Thanks
1 Like
Yes! I’d love help in just knowing what to search for in terms of free resources
1 Like
Good afternoon Diana!!!! I never have gone through what you were going through. Just remember God is on your side he watches those who need it the most. We’re never stuck in a negative situation. There is always help out there somewhere. Even if you have to go to a woman shelter with your kids. If you want to have your kids father move out send your kids away for a few days. And then have that sit down conversation with your significant other. Do not let your kids in the middle of it they’ll never forget it. Just don’t drink or Use because that will get in your Way. If you want somebody there with you go ahead and do it. But make sure that person is sober. You got this do you want Your recovery you’ll do this. If you want your life back you’ll do this. Just take your time and think about what you’re doing and go ahead and do it.
Mainly I start with a general Google search like “domestic violence resources” and the location. I did find a phone number just now that you can call for help in both making a plan to leave and actually leaving if you’d like me to post it here. But searches are best done general-specific: a quick general search, check your options, narrow down your search terms from those if needed. Putting quotes around a word or phrase limits the search to only options with that exact word or phrase, while putting a hyphen in front of a word will give you results that don’t contain that term. You can use those tools to narrow your searches down to your exact needs. You can Google the best ways to Google things and probably find a better explanation than I can give here.
Just be careful if you’re doing your own searches on your home computer or anything he also has access to. Wipe your history, clear your cookies, and here’s a good guide to checking for keyloggers, which are malware or even hardware that abusers can use to log your keystrokes and see what you’ve been searching: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.wikihow.com/Detect-and-Remove-Keyloggers%3Famp=1
I would suggest doing searches on a phone he has no access to and that is preferably not connected to a network, or a computer outside the home entirely (like at a local library).
Remember that emotional abuse is still abuse and leaving is the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship. Take every precaution available for your and your children’s safety. And keep in mind that drinking at this time is going to impair your judgment and make things even more dangerous, plus delay your escape. Get you and your kids out ASAP, then whatever resource you find will likely have options for therapy specific to your situation (including substance abuse, which is extremely common amongst domestic violence survivors)
2 Likes