Its a cycle the keeps repeating and I feel terrible . I feel like I can’t trust myself. To stay sober
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We have all felt this. I feel it to! Trust how strong you are and take it a day or a minute at a time. If you can just stay clean for today, we can handle tomorrow when it comes.
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Go harder then ever before, if you want to stay alive you must be sober. If you want to die relapse.
Stay connected my friend
What’s something you absolutely love from before you started drinking? For me it’s listening to lofi and studying or reading fiction over a cup of tea. Even alcohol doesn’t compare to the peace that gives me.
In my life the only reason I ended up in the same place was because I didn’t leave…
dont hang around same people or go to same places. try new hobby.
Ask yourself why you still hold on or go back to same places and same people. Realization is first step to any change.
movingwont change things either. your mentality is your reality. fill any nutritional gaps in your everyday dietthat you may have. if unsure doctor can tell you. if your trying to avoid certain feelings and your addiction its all know and those people are all you know then try to make new friends by going to an aa or na meeting. those people will share the same goal of sobriety. if those dont help then try going into inpatient treatment if you feel like you cant do it on your own and dont trust yourself enough to stop. i hope any of those may help you. I wish you the best of luck.
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Stay strong…. Most of us go thru the same thing but the main thing is to fight it and stay sober! You know the damage it causes
I picked up 15 year chip in 2005 and relapsed 3 months after that.. Been battling ever since ! The longest sober time I have had since then was 10 months.. I got 45 days now.. I haven’t gone back to AA but I know I need too if I want a chance at long term sobriety. I tried a couple meetings it just feels like I heard it all see it and done it all.. I know that’s not true. !
Oh man, this is my story too. Back and forth, in and out of recovery for years. Funny though, I went to a meeting tonight and there was a guy who shared and he basically bitched about how he hated going to meetings, how he doesn't want to do the work, etc etc. But he said it with this slight sarcastic and funny tone. I actually really liked it and I went up to him after the meeting and told him I did. You know why? Bc he is doing it. He is getting his stuff done! He is sober for a year and a half. The lesson for me? One foot in front of the other and go knock out the work of recovery. You don't have to love every minute. You don't have to be happy all the time. You just have to go do it. There are people who just get it done. And so if I want sobriety and the enlightenment that comes along with it, I have to stop being lazy, stop finding excuses and just commit, one foot in front of the other. Don't think so much. Just act. 
You are doing it just right! You are admitting that it’s a problem now listen and follow those that have gone before you and follow their footsteps. Keep coming and we promise you will get better!