I feel like a failure. I can’t get it right. I’ll stop but never make it more than four days. Amphetamines control my life. I just want to be me again. I am so hopeless and discouraged.
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Kate,
I get it. I’m sorry you’re having to go through the tough feelings of hopelessness and despair, but you are not alone and feelings don’t have to rule. The truth is you have much value and worth far beyond what you can see right now. It takes a lot of courage and healthy humility to post those kind of feelings on here. You are on the right track. Don’t stop, stopping. You can do this. Baby steps…
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Don’t count the days. Just count today. That’s all that matters in our fight with addiction
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Kate, thanks for sharing your struggle! I’ve been there many times. I want you to know that you can get through this and change your life! Just keep getting back up when you fall down. And when you get back up, do things differently. Resolve to do more. You should not battle your addiction alone! Get help, get a sponsor. Make sober connections and use us as your sober gang to help fight your demons! Go to more meetings, tell on yourself before you use, do the steps, stop repeating the patterns that lead to using.
We are here, let us help you🙏
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Kate thanks for having the courage to be honest. If we don’t have a program that we are working, and rest upon our laurels, we are headed for trouble every time. This is “a design for living that really works” as the book says. I know you don’t want to be controlled day in and day out by your drug of choice, because you wouldn’t be reaching out if you didn’t. Embrace that first step. “I am powerless over my addiction, life is unmanageable “ which means you concede to your innermost self that you CANNOT use if you want any sort of life. Just for today. Focus on today. Don’t use, pick up the phone if you feel the urge. If you feel like you can’t stop on your own, consider treatment. The 12 steps are more than just about “staying clean” it’s about really living an amazing life. It’s there waiting for you when you get ready. You’ll eventually get sick and tired of being sick and tired, that is, if you live long enough through the addiction to get there. Proud of you for reaching out, just ask yourself: “Do I have it in me to be brave today?”
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Listen you will get it. I know what you mean and what your going through. I was in the same boat. I didn’t think that I was ever going to get it right. I felt like my life was going to end with either a pipe or needle in my arm. But then the light bulb went off in my head. I shot some heroin and I got hit with too many narcan shots by some of my fellow addicts and I went through an intense shock. Instead of taking me to the hospital these fellow addicts left me on the street to go through the pain of withdrawal snd they took what ever I had left. This was a wake up call for me that I’m done doing things this way any more and that it’s time to get it right. Use my story as motivation to get yourself to a happy place. We love you until your ready to love yourself.
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You being here and admitting to yourself that it’s out of control is HUGE! All you can do is keep pushing and learning what you absolutely can’t be around or tolerate. Eventually things will click and it’s off to the races!!!
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I’ve been there many times with alcohol! Keep picking yourself up and starting anew. I finally have my longest period of sobriety and feel peace and empowerment again.
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I suggest you check yourself into a detox. Let professionals assist you in getting off that poison.
Pick up the tools they provide you to live a better life.
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Thank you everyone. I just started outpatient treatment at a partial hospitalization program and attended my first NA meeting last night.
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So awesome!
congratulations Kate! I’m so happy for you.
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U can do it ! When u feel like you’re about to use , reach out to someone for the support , stay strong !
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4 days is a lot!! I can’t go more than 2 days. Be proud of yourself!
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Addiction is a disease. You will have a hard time as long as you continue to believe it’s a weakness or lack of willpower. You wouldn’t decide to stop having diabetes and then feel like a failure when it was still there.
The treatment that works for me is 12 step recovery. It took me 20 years to be ready and willing to work the program, but once I did, I never went back. I’m not religious. I’m not in a cult. I just followed some instructions and have a daily routine that works for me and millions of others.
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On your way to Freedom! You'll win this.
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You’re not hopeless. I kept relapsing until I got the most amazing recovery team and I also got on medication to help with cravings and when I first stopped I went to an amazing detox program where they watched me and gave me meds for seizures. I personally would have never been able to do it on my own. I tried but when withdrawals got bad I would just buy wine. But now I have 38 months continued sobriety and it’s amazing. Clear headed, no more shaking. All it took was 7 days in a detox hospital. I can’t praise them enough. Please look into that direction and get the right help. If I can do it you can definitely do it. Best wishes. 
Amphetamines are a tough kick. We can't kick the habit and expect to return to the old faces and places. Meetings are helpful and meditation/exercise and a healthy diet will help restore our body to its proper and natural chemistry. Yoga was helpful for me. Extremely. About to hit the mat now with my bro actually.
My bro said white Kratom helped him tremendously. Also go to YouTube and type "gaia heart coherence" and chose the 4min video. It's pretty amazing and if you do it multiple times a day it makes a big difference.
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I'm in agreement that your DRINKING AND USING CAREER HAS BEEN RUINED AND you seek out the HELP YOU NEED AND YOU CAN STEP INTO 2024 CLEAN AND SOBER. FEELING AREN'T FACTS ONLY FEELINGS. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. You are someone who is DEALING WITH ADDICTION
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You are not a failure. The fact that you keep putting forth effort is fact that you want more and are not a failure. That was me amphetamines owned me another lifetime ago. I still have damage from them likely permanent. It is possible and you will win. I know its not easy but You can do this. Live in the wish fulfilled my Friend. DM if u need to or want to talk.
You are not a failure, I also have been there before having Amphetamines control my life, I Hope you can get the help you need, and can feel like yourself again soon. 