I know im not alone with this ,so i needed to share . Clear my conscious. A little backstory.
For the last 15 years ive struggled with addiction, in many forms. Ive always needed a vise , or 3 .
Mostly with drugs and alcohol. I did have a food good years where i barely drank and never used drugs. But i did use food or Grambling. Im 13 m off drugs , almost 12 off alcohol but this food and gambling keep pulling me in. I love good food , and i every chance i get ill gamble . Usually just scratch tickets but when gst came ot paid off my iver draft in my bank account. So now i had access to it and rhats what i used to online gamble . I had full intentions to keep it overdrawn so i couldnt do this. A few days ago i took out another one , so i gambled it all way. Knowing how broke we are , how i could of used that money on so many things. That i really needed. I feel so much guilt wnd shame right now . EVERY time id do this after id just repeat over wnd over how much i hate myself. Like its been 2 monrhs since i used online gambling but i still remember that loss from then. Like after the moneys gone i feel so horrible and i know how big if a mistake ive made. But while im doing it ALL i care about is winning and i hage before. A lot . Many times ive won 1000ss . But other times 200$ is gone in an hour.
Now im just sitting here feeling so full of shame and guilt . Id do anything to stop feeling like this.
I already blocked the eite , like the limitations. So i cant spend more. Not like i have it i dont even have 5$ to my name .
Its all the what ifs . Like if i did win a lot id be set. Id have nothing to worey about and i can buy coffee and groceries and things for my kids. Im so self aware after. Bit not during. I dont even know if i made wny sense but i really needed to share my brain before it explods.
Thank you for taking the time ro read this, please ignore all the typos , this app doesn't auto correct and im typing really fast.
Thanks all !
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Dont give up before the miracle happens
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Apply the principles you are learning. It's not an overnight thing. Give yourself some grace, and focus on your program. It's the emptiness that can only be filled with a spiritual experience. So pray, go to meetings and try gamblers anonymous and overeaters anonymous.
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It’s so hard to break that cycle, but reaching out like you just did is a strong first step.
Stay busy and focusing on a habit you can get lost in that will occupy your mind like something healthy. Volunteering, build a side ?hustle??