I know that the mistakes I made while drunk, even as recently as last week aren't as big as I feel them. Why do I feel as if everyone I even walk past is judging me based on that stupid blackout. Even people in my neighborhood who were no where near when it happened. Why do I wake up daily even 5 days later feeling shame and self hatred and embarrassment when in reality life has moved on, no damage was done and still I feel like life is over and I will never be able to live the shame of what I can't remember down. My sober journey is for my mental health as well as physical health. I don't like being ashamed of myself, and hating myself all the time. I'm actually a pretty good person when I don't drink. And drinking isn't even something I enjoyed. I just feel alot of self hatred this morning.
Letting go of yesterday might help - not easy.
Because that’s part of the disease of addiction. Because we have this innate sense that the world revolves around us. That everyone is concerned with our actions and behaviors. And once you get sober and work a program a little you’ll realize that in truth, very few people noticed or cared about the stuff that drove us crazy obsessing about.
As Amy Dresner said so eloquently in her sober story on this app, “fuck shame”. Would you be ashamed to have diabetes or cancer?
Get sober. Get help. If I can do this, anyone can. Honestly I am not unique or special in this regard. I just did what worked for the people before me. Followed the instructions for once instead of thinking the rules didn’t apply to me.
Today only. The best thing we can do about yesterday is to live our lives honorably today