I legit don’t feel emotions anymore. I just wake

Recovery
#1

I legit hardly feel emotions anymore. I just wake up frustrated that yesterday wasn’t my last and I’m forced to deal again. I legit hope for an accident or to be struck by lightening. I pretty much don’t care

#2

I sorry

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#3

Astrid, I hope you find the healing you deserve. Please talk to a therapist, your sponsor, or family. No one should live in misery. Dial 211, if you have no one else to call. Hoping for lightning is definitely a call for help.

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#4

You sound like me last summer. :sweat: Dry drunk/dry alcohol syndrome is rough. Panic attacks, crying episodes, praying/hoping that you don’t have to be here anymore or that something just fixes everything. Lack of sleep but a love of it because sometimes that’s the only place the pain doesn’t exist. It gets better. Then emotional emptiness/dissociation, and emotional dysregulation. Therapists and people in recovery are the best people to reach out to.

Open up your notes in your phone and write how you feel, or download the daylio app, I journal every day. At first they were very lengthy and.. dark. But it helps clear the negative cache of your thoughts. Journaling was the first thing to help me and i put it off for at least a year and a half cause I thought it was stupid. “i know how I feel, why the EFF do I need to write it down”

We used to use alcohol to deal with all of our issues. Anytime we felt uncomfortable we ran for our beer, bottle, etc. Now that we are sober we have to engage in the long frustrating process of learning how to cope with our emotions without it.

I have yet to try it but SMART Recovery uses Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to help with this specific issue. CBT is a technique used to retrain the way you think about and deal with problems.

You can get through anything. Just one day at a time.

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#5

I relate to that a lot but life is worth fighting for. We are all here for you. Please don’t give up.

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#6

Lack of sleep has been a real thing for me the last several months

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#7

Yes, I was there too. Little to no sleep for months. Switching back and fourth between being flat and emotionless, to irritable and explosive. If you talk to your doctor, you may be able to get prescribed Melatonin (believe me, the pills/prescription work wayyy better than the stuff you buy at cvs/walgreens etc), or what will definitely help you sleep is hydroxyzine. I take it as needed for anxiety.

Now I think the only reason I was prescribed hydroxyzine was because im on Vyvanse (adhd) because i forgot to take the vyvanse one day and .. lets just say i had to return home promptly for a nap :sweat_smile: Really helps with anxiety as well. There are things out there you just have to communicate them with a professional.

I know two alcoholics who are still living that lifestyle, and they once said to me “antidepressants don’t make you happy.” Which may be true. But they never said that they would, antidepressants give you a fighting chance. I used to dread doing anything and didnt even leave to work cause i could barely drive or function i was so depressed. Antidepressants help me be able to process and cope with my depression in a healthy way just like everybody else does. Just something to consider. Please don’t give up. And always advocate for yourself. We are all here

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#8

Thank you so much! Today was a better day. And I totally relate ADHD and depression and anxiety are no joke. I was actually diagnosed with PTSD. Take a wild guess how I was learning to cope prior to my diagnosis. Lol. I’m on focalin now. But because life has been so crazy I’ve trained myself to fight my sleep to the point it’s automatic for me and idk how not to fight it now. Not enough sleep/rest will make anyone depressed or emotionally absent. My opinion.

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#9

Absolutely! Im so glad yesterday was better for you! Remember that when it gets rough. Every day has the potential for something new, no matter how things have been for the past week, month, year, etc. It can head in a different direction all in a matter of a day. So as long as you make it to tomorrow, you’ll be okay, even if tomorrow isn’t :blush:

And yes ptsd is a mofo! I haven’t really got to the root of my trauma but they were like “.. lets watch this video about trauma quick.. what do you think?” And im like .. uhh.

Thats why im a huge therapy advocate, they go to school for 12 years, they know you better than you know yourself damnnear and they respect your boundaries while helping you reframe how you see and think about and process your life experiences in a way that your friends and family just aren’t qualified to.

I was talking to my prescriber (basically therapist #2) about my week and an issue i had with my friends and I thought she was going to say something like “im glad you were able to resolve that, heres where things went left.” Nope. Know what she said? “… were you bullied as a child?” Boom. Right there. Had me like “:astonished:…:pleading_face:”

I digress. Lol, we all are here because we struggled or are struggling with coping with life’s difficulties. You’re in the right place, you are strong and resilient. And you’re doing an amazing job Astrid!