I’ll be three years on the 11 and would like to share how I did it. After I was completely broken and to the point where I was willing to do anything I had to do to turn my life around, I made a decision to explore recovery options to get help. I knew I was beyond the point of willpower. My first stop was AA and in my mind I committed the going everyday for three months. 90/90. I was terribly not optimistic, however my plan was to go to full time rehab if I didn’t find help in AA. I not only followed through with my commitment, I did 124 meetings in 90 days. I only had in mind to stay sober until the next meeting and if I were to drink I’d do it only after a meeting. I never did. I found something to keep me sober until the next meeting. I treated AA as full time rehab. At three months I was mentally far enough along to figure out that I had lots of emotional problems that I had no skills to work through and my alcohol problem was a symptom of the deep trauma I had suffered through my lifetime. I needed a way to cope and relieve those feelings that I carried for years. I near grudgingly got a sponcor and worked the steps with brutal honesty and vigor. I look back and feel a part of me worked so hard just to try to prove the program wrong. Well, it worked and had a way to deal with life on life’s terms without drowning it with booze. I kept sober, continuing to go to as many meetings possible. I was growing to like the program. I started to make really good friends that I trusted and accepted me for who I am. I grew. I reconnected with my childhood higher power that frankly I was very mad at and didn’t want anything to do with. Our relationship has become something very different than the judging controlling higher power of my youth. We are friends and I follow its lead to the best of my human ability. I stayed sober and started to enjoy my life again, I was becoming my true self. I still had some behavioral issues and a part of me felt empty, I was disappointed that the steps wasn’t helping in this little dark corner of my being. I discovered adult children of alcoholics and chaotic childhoods. Knowing I certainly qualified for it I began to go weekly to ACA meetings. I immediately knew that the last puzzle piece of my recovery was not caused by my alcoholism but others before me. My behaviors that I didn’t like were survival skills that were imbedded in me to survive trauma. I once again worked the steps of ACA with all I had in me. It changed my life, it was heartbreaking and the hardest thing I’ve done in my life but sooo worth it. Now I live a beautiful life with changed relationships, not bound to alcohol or anything else. I’m calm and don’t feel much chaos in my inner self. I’m still very connected to both programs and have devoted my life to keeping myself sober by helping others to experience the life changing work that I have had the privilege to experience by giving myself the chance by not using drugs or alcohol to numb my pain. It’s a lot of work but if you are really willing to change your life you also can have peaceful and a happy life.
