I’m 2 1/2 years sober but still have not gone through the 12 steps. I’m so stuck on step 4. I keep telling myself “ why do I want to write all these resentments on paper and then dwell on them “. I know it’s Fear. My sponsor is just amazing but I know I need to do this and learn and move on from it. Any suggestions ?
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Lots of people get stuck on Step 4 because they are projecting into the future and trying to swallow the whole process at once. Taking little steps of faith like setting aside your fear and doing a column at a time, just focusing on each section at a time. Just begin to try. Do not complicate it or analyze it. Do exactly as it is laid out in the Book. You are not trying to figure anything out, just putting down facts.
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15 months here and I'm also stuck on 4. It's curious, because I always feel good after I write. It's the picking the pen up part that's a bit tricky for me.
My sponsor finally set a deadline, and I'll hit it. I found that putting it on my schedule .. literally physically on my calendar on set days for set times, is helping a lot.
I understand the concept and go to meetings but not supper big on the 12 steps and following them to the letter. If you think about it and a Christian you should be living you life in that manner and not necessarily writing a list.
You are sober 2 1/2 yrs you are doing something right. I do not believe in a program per se but a comprehensive strategy to maintain sobriety.
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I had to go somewhere else besides my house and write it down. I went to a coffee house I had never been to. Also like Steve said, take it a column at a time. Don’t think of it as sitting with resentments, but more of letting the resentments go. Figuring out your part in all those feelings is a great way to see patterns and come up with a strategy to cut them off when we start to go down the wrong path.
It's not just resentments... It's apologies you feel like you owe.. but you have to go at it not expecting forgiveness... The whole point is clearing YOUR heart of the responsibility
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Hope you managed to get past step 4. You’re still sober whether you did or not. I’m a little stuck between 8 and 9 myself, but I’m getting there. Congrats!
673 days and I still am stuck on step 4
I know in just being stubborn. But I have been doing a lot of zoom meetings and feeling like I can do this.
It’s amazing that you got through steps 1,2, and 3 and now doing step 4! I had a hard time with step 4 too bc of the fear and you def don’t want to dwell on that step for long bc I you will feel worst but try to do it throughly as you can. Once I shared my inventory with my sponsor it wasn’t the best feeling but it was relieving and you become more aware of yourself. That’s my experience hope that helps.
I went through something similar. I ended up getting a new sponsor, and that helped.
Russell Brand says in his book that step 4 took him 5 years and 3 days. 5 years of fear, procrastination and avoidance. 3 days to write it down.
The book says searching and fearless. It does not use the words thorough or absolute. I was stuck for a month or 2. And then I did my best. I acknowledged that I would forget some stuff. I’d heard at meetings about people coming back and adding stuff that they’d forgotten or weren’t ready to face the first time around. So I just dove in. My arm hurt. A lot of it was incoherent. Step 5 was really helpful. Identifying patterns I’d been repeating for my whole life. Seeing actions and thoughts motivated by fears and an obsession for control.
Step 4 was a game changer. The crushing guilt. The insomnia. The roadblocks to healing were all lessened through 4 and 5. Shedding years of pain and baggage. Realizing that I was the one holding myself back. My resentments were only hurting me. It was so liberating.