I’m 25 - feeling confident yet fearful?

Struggling Help
#1

Hey everyone! I’m a 25 year old woman living in New York City. I always pictured myself getting drinks with friends, hanging out at our favorite bars and dancing with new beautiful souls I would meet along the way as we pregamed in one of our apartments then down to the lower east side for bar hopping and a night of “fun”.

Who’d ever thought they’d be labeled as an “alcoholic”? That word itself at this point in my recovery is daunting yet reassuring. It’s confusing- sometimes I feel like a victim of alcohol, sometimes I feel like a survivor.

I met the love of my life and we have been dating for over a year. I’m doing this for me, also, for us. I am worried about missing out on date nights such as paint n sip, “drinking around the world” in Disney, “bottomless brunch” on a Sunday we want to go out and have no rules. But I’ve learned I don’t need alcohol to do any of these things- I enjoy the human being I am with and that’s better than any sip of any beverage I could ever consume.

Any other 20 something’s out there struggling? Confused yet confident in our choice to give up the substance that has been controlling our life for more negative than positive experiences/consequences? Losing friends, relationships (platonic or romantic) over being too drunk to remember a conversation?

I know I made the right decision. I also, at the same time, always dreamed of toasting with my husband on our wedding day.

Then, I question the entire labels thing- are we what we label ourselves or is “alcoholic” an exception to the entire labeling system? We aren’t defined by our past, but defining ourselves as “alcoholics” may seem perfectly appropriate yet somewhat confusing?

Please share your thoughts. If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading and comment with a heart emoji. :heart:

I wish everyone the best in their recovery.

1284×918 36.8 KB

9 Likes
#2

25 is pretty young. 6 years ago you were a teenager! When we are brought up in a world that glorifies and indirectly worships alcohol, most of us will get sucked into it. From movies, to parties, events, dining, socialization- we are taught that it's normal to have a cocktail in hand in almost every situation. What they don't teach us is that you run the risk of literally destroying your life by partaking in it.
So by staying sober, you are showing the world that they got it wrong. That you can be a much happier person without it. But it does take time to get those old ideas out of your head- that alcohol is supposed to be associated with happiness.

4 Likes
#3

"Paint and sip", "bottomless brunch" and "drinking around the world" are super douchey. Be grateful you're not involved in that mess anymore. You're on the right path. I know all that stuff looks like fun, social stuff to do, but with all the "side effects"? No thanks.

Eric is right.

#5

I turn 27 this month, and feel you! At first, I was definitely sad about what I’d be “missing out on” but now I realize I’ve been missing out this whole time. I haven’t truly experienced a moment in a long time. Paint and sip, on a coke/tea/iced coffee and be present. Go to brunch, (with those that honor your journey) and truly catch up. Invest in those friendships. Do a food tour at Disney instead, and leave less dehydrated and ready for a day 2! There is so much more to experience than the diluted version of yourself when inebriated.

1 Like
#6

With all of this said, sometimes these activities require strict control of your environment to avoid triggers and relapse. If you are in that zone, I would recommend going to AF places, ONLY with people willing to not drink.

#7

I figured out that I have a problem with alcohol at age 26.
The good times we’re not really good times. They were riddled with problems, pain, embarrassment and regret.
I don’t live that way today. I have a great life in sobriety, with ups and downs just like anyone. But live is better without alcohol for me. I hope you get the program. Welcome and best of luck. :heart:

#8

Alcohol use can be a way for your body to deal with trauma. (The Myth of Normal by Gabor Mate speaks eloquently on this) Alcohol is not good or bad. I think when we identify drugs or alcohol with morality, it becomes this animal that we need to tame into submission. Recognizing what was causing you to drink or use is the most important thing. Whenever I feel like I want to reach for a drink, I stop and ask myself why?
Typically, it’s because I’m uncomfortable. Whether it’s being uncomfortable with nonconformity, or with memories, or even past/current traumatic events that peep up in the back of my mind. I also sometimes want to because I’m bored, but why do I think I’m bored? Likely bc I’m consuming other things like social media that keep me distracted with other peoples lives.

I highly recommend Breathwork to slow down the automatic responses you might be having giving up alcohol so early. There’s a great free Breathwork on YouTube that I’ve used relentlessly by Othership called 22 minute somatic Breathwork.

Try it out! I wish you the best! Tune in and always listen to YOUR body. It wants to give you all the signs for what it truly wants and needs, if you’re willing to listen.

#9

No modern specialist in alcohol abuse would encourage anyone to consider themselves an alcoholic.