I’m approaching 3 years sober while my fiancé is drinking

Struggling Help
#1

I’m approaching 3 years sober while my fiancé is drinking wine on the porch.

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#2

Have you tried talking to her about how it makes you feel? Maybe it would help to write how you're feeling while she's drinking and save it to talk about when she's sober. Focusing on you and your experience can help it stay away from blame and judgement and hopefully will help your fiance hear how it's hurting you.

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#3

You can only control yourself.
I have a tendency to overindulge so if you’d like to hear my experience I’d be more than willing to share it with you. But the main thing is, I’m only on Day 24 and I just experienced this last night that ended up a disaster. Today we had the same conversation I was attempting to have last night and it was productive and imo a success. I wholeheartedly agree with Caitlin about waiting to talk to her until she’s sober.

#4

And I’m sorry you’re going through this, it sucks. But you are strong and will be okay.

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#5

Hi John, communication may be a key feature in these scenarios to come to an agreement about what you find discomforting. Seeking help is the first step, so you are already on the right direction!

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#6

Personally I think it boils down to their relationship with alcohol and if you can handle the temptation when it’s around.

My husband still drinks. He’s a 5-6 drinks a week kind of guy. Most nights has one beer in the evening. Only very few occasions will have a 2nd drink (weddings holidays etc)

He doesn’t have the problem with alcohol that I do. So I’m totally ok with him drinking around me.

That said if the temptation is too strong you need to say something. But, you might be putting her in a position of just hiding it from you which wouldn’t be helpful (but would be a good indication she shouldn’t drink either).

#7

So what’s the problem?

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#8

She is an an alcoholic w/ many horrible stories that I can tell…and just decided to quit AA

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#9

I'm kinda of a outta sight out of mind person when it comes to drinking. But with my new normal I realize I don't want to date someone who drinks. At a wedding or night out with the boys sure. But not a glass of wine to unwind. I'm sorry you are feeling some kinda way about it. If she's not willing to respect how you feel or change well u know the answer. But oddly when I was drinking I'd NVR date someone sober or who didn't drink. Because what a buzz kill..oh how times have changed lol.

#10

One thing I’ve learned is my addiction is my problem, not anyone else’s.

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