There was a version of me
who hoped to be chosen.
Who waited.
Who wondered.
Who tried to make sense of things
that were never consistent to begin with.
She questioned herself a lot.
Gave too many chances.
Stayed longer than she should have
because she believed love meant holding on.
She didn’t know yet
that peace was an option.
That consistency wasn’t too much to ask for.
That being seen, respected, and chosen
could actually come naturally..
without confusion, without chasing.
I have compassion for her.
She was doing the best she could
with what she knew at the time.
But I’m not her anymore.
I don’t chase clarity.
I don’t convince people to show up.
I don’t ignore what feels off
just to hold onto something that isn’t steady.
I pay attention now.
To actions.
To consistency.
To how I feel when I’m around someone.
And more importantly..
I choose myself.
And for the first time in my life,
that choice is being reflected back to me.
In the way I’ve grown.
In the way I carry myself.
In the way I show up.. consistently.
I’ve been trusted with more.
Given responsibility I once didn’t think I was ready for.
Seen in a way I used to search for in all the wrong places.
And I didn’t chase it.
I became it.
I’m no longer the woman
who hopes to be chosen.
I’m the woman who is.
— Ivy Rowan 