I’m really hurting right now. I recently lost my parental rights over my two children but their parental grandmother who is going to adopt them has said she would still have visits and phone calls. I have been calling her trying to talk to my kids and she is canceling the visits. I just recently was able to talk to them but they were both not excited to speak with me. I was telling my daughter how much I missed her and she kept telling me to stop lying, but later say she was joking, then when I asked to speak to my son he didn’t know that I could hear him when he called me an inappropriate name. I’m so heartbroken. I know that due to the decisions I’ve made in my addiction it’s lead me to loosing my rights and giving their grandmother the opportunity to make me look horrible no matter how much effort I put into trying to make amends. I’m trying not to fall into that stinking thinking, or feel sorry myself but at the same time I’m trying hard how to process these emotions in a healthy way
The best thing you can do for them is to stay sober and work on yourself. The healthier you are, the more they will see. Work on your relationship with the grandmother by showing her that you’re committed to this. Remember we can only control how we react. Unfortunately, we don’t get to decide when or if someone will forgive us. In these situations, I do a living amends. Remember, you’re a freaken miracle!! Look at where you are today and where you’re headed tomorrow. 
Stand tall stand proud
Voices that care are crying out loud
You can't control other people's (including your children's) reactions to your past behaviors. You can only deal with your own reactions, your future reactions and how you show up. Keep looking up. Some people will never come around, but most will. But it will take time.
This is for now, not forever. I sponsored someone who was in your position- she focused on staying sober, doing the work in AA and whatever the courts aske of her. She had a beautiful relationship with her kids. It just took a little time - not in our time unfortunately. Sobriety cannot hinge upon the conditions we set forth. And it is soooo painful
I am sooo sorry 
. Work on your self first and then work on your kids. Am sorry your going through this.
It took you a long time to get to the bottom. It takes a long time to get to the top. You don’t earn love, respect and forgiveness from words. It comes from consistent action.
Meetings. Therapy. Service. Work the steps of whatever program you choose. People will be skeptical at first because you have broken all the bonds in addiction.
If you work on yourself and the underlying problems that led to addiction, you will be rewarded with a life better than you ever thought possible. The people you need the most will come back to you when they are ready, not when you are ready.
Accepting that will bring you some peace. Or at least it did me.
You can’t doubt your higher power. Everything we do, we pay for, and it has to run its course. With time those relationships will heal, specifically pray for the guidance, stength and clarity to accept that situation. Remember the pain, I had to look my daughter in the eye and tell her Daddy has to leave you, I’ll never forget the look on her face and I will never put her through that again. Now, I split custody with her mother and she hopefully will never see me in active alcoholism. There are plenty of us that have recovered and those relationships have been restored. My daughter is sitting on the couch next to me as I write this. Yours will one day again too, but you have less than a year, continue to strengthen and turn to recovery. If you stay sober and try to contribute to life, you will feel the love of your kids again, stay the course!
Stay sober.... once that happens, you can start building your life back... and when you are stable and level-headed, u can make a plan to build that relationship with your kids again... but u have to stay sober
I know it’s easier said than done but stay clean, sober, and connected to support network and higher power. Things will get better.
First I’ve been there then what you need to do is work on yourself while the grandmother has your kids let her take care of them and give him what they need. What you have to do now is take care of you get a job get a car have a house or an apartment and make a home for your kids. This is your time your Mother-in-law or mother is trying to help you the kids understand you don’t have to visit them all the time the same thing happened to me if you want more information text me or talk to me I’ve been through it lost my kids at the age of five and two years old and I wasn’t even in my affection. It’s just I didn’t have any money, and I was so lost, but I’ve got them now and they’re both grown and living successful life if I didn’t have my family there I don’t know what I would’ve done thank you Liane thank you to my in-laws for taking my kids when I couldn’t God is there for you help yourself out you’ve got the resources a girl don’t talk about it you got this