I’m really struggling, the past month or so I’ve fallen back into daily drinking and in the past few days have managed to create a bunch of drama with the people I love. I broke my thumb mtn biking (while sober and trying to gain back a healthier lifestyle, go figure, and then fell into boredom of not being active while undergoing surgery and healing). This disease is so hard, because I was “handling” my booze intake without getting angry or out of control but it snuck back up on me. Feeling really defeated, embarrassed and ashamed today. But I’m back on here.
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Find a local AA meeting that has a ton of people. There's usually one at least
I’m glad to see you are back! What happened to you is soooo very common for us. It’s also sooo very important to go thru these experiences. It’s hard to move forward in recovery until we are completely convinced that we can’t control our drinking. This disease is so F’ing frustrating! The mental part of it is so twisted. If we don’t practice a daily program of recovery, those thoughts of being able to control it can slowly creep back in. I talk from experience. Several times in my life, I’ve been 100% convinced that I can’t drink again. Yet, I “forgot”. Hang in there Melissa. There is a solution.
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That really means a lot, it’s so nice to have support from someone who’s had my back on this app. Thank you so much 
so glad to see that you’re here, sober, and living well
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Hi Melissa! Glad you are back. AUD is so cunning and it gets the best of us who have every intention of staying sober. I have had more day ones than most. All those sober days are not wasted! You know how to do this. Stay connected here or in a program. Better yet both! Reach out anytime. Happy to hold a space for you! You cannot do it alone, but only you can do it! 
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Things happen and beating ourselves up for it does nothing but make it worse. As long as you get back up in the saddle, keep trying as hard as you can, and find and use your resources, that’s all that matters. Melissa, you are strong. Here’s the solid, concrete proof: “But I’m back on here.” THAT is what matters, that’s something to be proud of y’know. I know you feel ashamed and embarrassed, but lots of us have gone through this and you’re not alone. Your recovery isn’t flawed or halted, either. Recovery ain’t a straight line.
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I can identify. I thought I needed an excuse to drink until my first sponsor told me I didn’t.
Don’t give up ever
The feeling that you are going through is something that many people wouldn’t understand but this feeling and the struggle is only molding you into what you will become later which is strong, healthy, and sober!
Fall down 8 times get up 9
Your heart is in the right place you just gotta focus on your mind and learn to control the thoughts and actions. Try to train it
If you need anyone I’m here for ya added you as a friend
I can totally relate Melissa, boredom is a horrible trigger- then the disease comes in like an army. It reminds me of the movie Beetlejuice. Like saying his name three times, if you just take that first drink- it will make everything better. Then, just like in the movie- he/alcohol takes over completely and wreaks havoc. Next thing you know, it’s 3 or 4 days later and you have lost time, and memory- time with your kiddo, and everything is broken. You take a drink, and then the drink takes you. Hang in there and try to find anything else (healthier) to stay sober!
It felt like I was reading my story. I just came back from another relapse. Started fun. Controlling it. I had it this time. I figured out how to drink. A month later I was back to morning drinking, one trip to the ER. And the truth is this disease will try to tell me again that I can do this safely, look at all the fun you are missing out on. I’m all in today on my recovery.