Hello Jessica: I'm not sure how long you have been sober, but I had plenty of obsessive thoughts and feelings in the beginning. I got to meetings, work the steps and have a great sponsor. Overall, I have all the support I need.
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I read it as "appetizer" before the "main." Haha
Lol 
Great advice!
My wife left me right after I made a year sober. We have now been separated for 6 months. She came get the kids today and I felt that tingle in my stomach. Some days I see or talk to her are better then others. In the end we were holding each back from moving forward. A couple of months after she left it was like a switch flipped and I could see things more clearly then I have in years. I know it’s not easy but give it time. One thing I did was pray for her when I started thinking about the situation. I pray for her peace and happiness with or with out me. I am sure I didn’t always mean it but it helped. Feel free to reach out to me if you would like to talk about it.
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Well it gets better with time. Same issue for me. Been 10 years since we got divorced. Shes happy, says she forgives me but but won’t even have a cup of coffee with me. Used to email once a year. I moved to Philly then I found out through our yearly email a few months later she had moved to Jersey with her long time boyfriend. Then I moved to Orlando and found out she had moved to Miami a few months earlier so we’re still somehow cosmically connected. Don’t email anymore. It’s hard but eventually you have to forgive yourself too, focus on getting better and take it one day at a time. With the passing of time it gets easier….you have to let go of the past and be a new you. Guilt is a tricky emotion. Don’t let it grab hold. Do the best you can one step at a time.
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Thank you so much for sharing. Apologies for the way delayed response.
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Jessica, it is not unusual for a person in early recovery to feel things that seem very real even though they are misplaced… letting go of the past is a necessary part of recovery… yes it’s painful and confusing…. You really need to focus on you and your personal wellness… go to meetings meet new people and begin to live without the baggage of the past…. Be amazing… Keith Kayle
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Thank you so much everyone for all your responses. I am tearing up reading them but grateful to have them. I’m so sorry for the wayyyyyy delayed response as I never knew anyone replied bc don’t have my notifications on. I’m still trying to get used to this app. I’m not tech savvy.
I’ve journaled and spoken to my ex about my feelings. The situation is so messed up as now he’s engaged, with someone he’s dated for less than a year. He told me he loves me but could never be with me and said that he’s basically settling down as he’s getting old and the women he’s with is stable, nice and caring. Im hurt bc I believe he proposed before we were even officially divorced. Im hurt for so so so many reasons but I’m learning bc to let him go. What will be, will be. He’s obviously not addressing his feelings and I don’t want to be with someone like that. I also feel bad for the woman as you should be with someone for love not for stability. Maybe she’s one the same page tho. Either way it’s none of my business and I asked for him to tie up loose ends so we don’t have to communicate anymore. I will be also speaking with his family to let them know I can no longer spend time with them as I need to move on.
Thank you again everyone for listening. This has been harder than getting sober!
Keith pretty much nailed it as far as a recovery mentality you should have. I'm just going to be devil's advocate a bit. I don't blame him for choosing stability if Love has led him down several terrible roads that damage him; I can very much relate. But this is about you. Focus on you, your sobriety, and recovery then you will avoid a similar scenario in the future. I'm going to quote an animated turtle now : "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present."
Keep on keepin on Jess
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We share similar stories somewhat!! Married for 23 yrs divorced for 10 yrs. My husband wanted counseling. I told him to F off and to never take me to a counseling center again. At first it’s miserable but I got to stand on my own 2 feet because I fell out of love and moved on I hit drugs and a full blown alcoholic. Went to treatment twice didn’t help I became homeless and we were at each other’s throats. Today 11 yrs later we are friends he has a beautiful person in his life and I’ve been exceptive because I am clean n sober today almost 4 yrs. We have a family, grand babies and our Son is getting married in 3 weeks. Today I don’t have to drink or use y
Today. So hang in there it gets easier. Trust the process 
The time is your time work on you, focus on your sobriety make new friends, do something other than dwelling on would of could of, should of it’s not going to help you what’s so ever. Let go let God. Get to a meeting, find a sponsor and work the steps, it will help you. Hang in there . Soon you will be able to smile and move on..Good luck
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Independence and starting over are beautiful things. Embrace them.
Thank you all for your comments. It’s greatly appreciated more than you’ll all know. I’ve been down and out, definitely grieving but also overworking on myself- reading, writing, outpatient 3x a week, AA whenever I can, breath work, sound bathes, reiki, you name it I’m doing it. Lol. Since that, nothing has really changed, but I don’t expect it to happen so quickly. Im doing the work to heal myself and I hope and pray in time it gets better. Thank you again everyone!
Yes it’s hard to lose ppl we loved while we were in our addiction. They were there for us when we couldn’t love ourselves. It’s good your getting help with the loss. God Bless you and stay strong
Hope you are doing well. Someone once told me after a breakup that every minute I spent thinking about her was another minute wasted that I could be spending finding the next love of my life. All true. Try not to look backwards. Life will work out. Take care of yourself first and things will fall into place.
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