The last month I’ve relapsed pretty bad on oxy. I’m using 2 or 3 (10’s) a day at least and I’m so tired. I tell myself I’m going to stop and that I’ll do better but then I wake up the next day and I’m right back to it. I’m full of guilt, sadness, and I’m losing hope. I miss who I was and I don’t want to lose faith in that person but it’s so hard to step away.
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Hey man! Hang in there. Check this link out and get to some meetings and spill your guts! They will understand and know where you are coming from.
You don't have to do this alone.
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Heard that brother! I’m in the throes of. Nasty needle relapse right now. Every morning I tell myself it’s the day to get rinsed every afternoon I’m on that call to the guy. I’m going to ask my boss today if I can go to rehab (again), he helped me go about five years ago. This started of as drinking a little, and a little more progressively. Then I took a bump one weekend and it has been a straight line to the bottom. Shooting between a quarter to half ounce every day and feel like it’s just a matter of time. The back of my mind misses who I was. I had substance. The front of my mind that looks into the mirror, is kinda just hoping for that OD. It’ll at least be done. However just as you posted this, and I reply, we share our struggle and the only people that help each other and ourselves with this brutal honesty. Gods speed man. Good luck
Don’t put faith in yourself. Put your faith in God. In the higher power. We tell ourselves that we can do it and honestly want to but in the end we are powerless. The only way I was able to come back from that hopelessness was with the help of God and having someone to push me through it. You cannot “dig” yourself out of the hole but someone can throw you a rope and pull you out as long as you fight through the pain to pull yourself up. Do the meetings, or find someone to talk to…… do it for a loved one. You tried to do it yourself and failed but there are options. Trust me when I say that there is someone that WILL understand your struggle. Through communication you’ll form a bond that will give you the strength that you need to fight through your addiction and the pain. Some people can do it themselves, and some need help to stay motivated, to be pushed. All I’ve said is from my own experience. I’m an addict and I have siblings that struggled with addiction also. It took 3 months for me to help my brother get clean and start a healthy lifestyle after his suicide attempt due to addiction. Now he has a loving wife and a beautiful family living comfortably hundreds of miles away and enjoying life. There is always a way brother. Don’t give up.
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I agree with the rehab suggestion. You both need to detox first to get a jump start into the program. As soon as you get out hit a meeting and get a sponsor. Do 90 meetings and 90 days. It works if you work it.
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Go easy one yourself.