I’m so angry at myself that I keep relapsing. I lied to my IOP group because I didnt want to have to start my day count over again , people have 100,200,300 days… I almost made it to 60.. now I am back to 5. I’m overwhelmed, depressed, anxious and in pain. I finally did admit to them that I slipped , so I’m glad about that and I’m really trying to reach out more and stop isolating so much and feel a little better today. The weekend was rough , I didn’t get out of bed.
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Kate, I feel for you! Been there, done that, felt that.
Try not to measure your feelings inside to other people’s outsides. Meaning don’t let your ego stay in control. My ego wants me dead but will settle for my misery. My ego is my disease!
Get clean, stay clean by making YOUR SOBRIETY your number 1 priority over everyone and everything! One day at a time.
After more than a decade of relapses, I finally got my priorities straight. 14+ years clean and happy.
I hope this helps🙏
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Just don’t give up stay strong 
God loves you and nobody can Judge you!! DONT EVER GIVE UP 
Keep coming back