I’m sober following a serious car accident where I totaled my car. I’m dealing with all the legal and social consequences right now and I am kinda struggling. My ex was a drinking friend and I’m getting floods of texts after I stopped communicating with her. How do you handle this? I also got invited to play poker Friday. It’s a heavy drinking crowd. I don’t want to drink. Period. Please advise.
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Hi Kevin, cleaning up the mess after we get sober can be tough. When it comes to boundaries with people I have learned that clear and honest dialogue is the best route. When it comes to social events where there will be drinking, my personal experience was that I completely removed myself from social gatherings for the first six months, this may sound extreme, but I was bartending at the time and I spent enough energy just staying sober at work that I didn’t want to spend any more energy trying to socialize. My suggestion to you is to assess if you think it’s safe to attend poker this week…just take it one day at a time, if by Friday it doesn’t sound appealing, then don’t go. Above all else your sobriety should come first. Don’t worry about what people will say, if they have a problem with you putting your sobriety first then they aren’t real friends.
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When o first got sober my sponsor said “don’t be where you don’t need to be” the first few months were tough because I cut out everything that was a trigger or that could lead me to relapse. Block the ex, decline the invite to poker, get hooked into a program of some sort, get off other social media platforms. Not forever but until you at least, feel more comfortable. I am not going to lie, it is not a cake walk, but it does get easier as time goes on. It’s been a year and I can now go play poker with the boys, play golf, chill with people who are drinkers. And the best piece of advice I got was be kind to yourself, and don’t try to fix everything right away. Amends comes later for a reason.
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What I was told at the beginning is to stop drinking I had to change my ways. I focus on that and realize it was all about me changing and not others
around me. Come
to realize after 11 plus peaceful years, I don't have many friends. The few I have they think about being sober like me. Yes sobririty is boring and lonely at times. But peaceful and I like that. It is worth my time. Great day to be sober.
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Slow and steady, literally one minute at a time if you need to . A meeting a day for 90 days is my suggestion . I could think a day ahead let alone multiple . Also I personally had to change friends / social Activity’s . I need sober friends and to stay away from situations I knew there would be lots of drinking . At 6 months I can be around it but I def don’t put myself around it often . Getting a sponser, fo to regular meetings , and staying away from toxic / problematic people have saved my life . Wish you the best and wish you the desperation to keep wanting change .
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Hey Kevin, I had a similar situation about 2 years ago. Totaled my car, got arrested for DUI and it ended in divorce, and she was my best drinking buddy. I fought everything for a while and only realized recently the truth of the story. I had no control over anything in my life outside of myself. And I used alcohol because it was the control I had. It helped me control my feelings, my piece of mind. But now that I’ve been out of all the traps for some time, I’ve realized that I need this time alone to get perspective and heal to move forward. Sometimes you just have to walk away from it all and refocus on what’s important, forget what others say about you and judge you for. Stay strong brother. The good life is out there waiting for you.
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Anytime
Don't go to poker. It is too risky. Did you let the ex know why you weren't communicating? If you did then block her.
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I went and played poker last night, No big deal acted social with a good time. I can be around heavy drinkers - it doesn’t bother me - it is others, not me. I still feel great!
Will come Kevin. Aa. Org.for meetings .90 meetings in 90 days.then keep it going for a year.meet lot of people like use.they will relate.aa meeting app on your phone.for meetings.