I’m three months sober I’m a relationship with a person that I used to drink with she drinks occasionally that’s not the issue I don’t think it is anyway we are just not hitting it off anymore the passion is gone not sure what to do should I try harder to work it out or should I just move on there’s a lot of people involved that will be let down
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If you’re not hitting it off and the flame is gone why continue the relationship, especially for the other people. Live for you. Now I’m no relationship expert, believe me, just my thoughts. Do what you feel is good and healthiest for you. Wish you the best!
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Thank you Mindy for your advice
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How long did you drink for?
On and off for the majority of my 52 years of age start at the age of 12
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Where you in the relationship while drinking or did it start after?
I was in the relationship will drinking, she has stopped drinking completely her choice it has helped the relationship for the time being
It can take a WHOLE YEAR for the body to get back to homeostasis & feel healthy again. So, decisions can be tough until then (especially relationship decisions)
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So.. I have my own input with only the information. I'm sure there's so many more feelings and connections. When that's the case, it's hard to seperate. The best advice I can give is say exactly what you posted to her. Express these feeling because they are honest. And anyone you are thinking of a life with and respect should be aware your thoughts and feeling.
I'd like to say it is also understandable. When growing, things change. And it is justified to not like certain changes because of emotional connections. You are definitely not alone in these feelings. This is timeless for people in recovery.
I can say more but for now, I wish you the best and pray for your clarity.
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Try couples counseling for sure; if drugs and alcohol aren't in the way, a good therapist may help you two get back in the groove.
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Hey Ralph! I hope you’re having a nice weekend. First off, congrats on three months sober—that’s huge! From what I have learned and experienced, it’s normal to change and start seeing things, including relationships, differently as you go through recovery. You’re discovering who you really are and what you want out of life which sometimes means realizing certain relationships no longer are a good fit.
It’s important to focus on what’s best for YOUR RECOVERY. Staying in a relationship for the sake of others or because you don’t want to let people down can be a form of people-pleasing IMO. At the end of the day, your sobriety and well-being have to come first. Do what feels right for YOU and YOUR JOURNEY. Recovery is all about learning to prioritize your own needs.
Having said that, you’re only three months in so I would give it some time before doing anything drastic like ending a relationship. Couples counseling to figure things out is a good first step
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Everything seems to shift… things look & feel very different with sober eyes …. I’m still trying to get my footing
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I totally agree with what Marina & Mychal had to say … it’s very spot on & WONDERFUL advice!!!
Move on. When the flame dies and tou are having to work extra hard to re ignite it. If you notice that each resignation quickly does, its to to move on. That's what it sounds like but I hate to assume...
Have that hard talk with her. There’s nothing wrong with talking about your feelings and needs. If they aren’t being met, she deserves to know. Just like you deserve to have what you need in life. Heart break is heart break, but the longer you keep at the chase trying to make it work when it’s clearly not going too, you’re making more room to be hurt and adding more difficulty in your life. Sending prayers so that you can make the best decision. Pray on it
I learned right around my 90 day mark that the only way sobriety works for me is if I'm completely honest. This means that when I am feeling doubt, insecure about a relationship, or that I simply just don't want to be with someone anymore then I need to be honest with them. That's the only way my sobriety works nowadays, so if it's taking up space in your head like this, to the point you reached out here, then you have your answer. If you are looking for a healthy sober relationship, that's the only way it will work out either way. Best of luck to you.
This!
brother please hear me out, your life is more important that sticking it out with a relationship. If you used to drink with her you need to cut that relationship out.
Even if you loved or wanted to be with her you get away. You can’t love anyone when you can’t tale care of yourself.
Staying sober is the most important thing right now.
Ralph, I asked my gf to move out months ago for the same reasons, and while we're still trying to remain together, it's not easy. She's trying not to drink everyday, and has cut her drug use dramatically. I'm very proud of her. Similarly, we started seeing each other with alcohol and drugs as some of our strongest bonds. And yet I'm still sitting on the same feelings today, over a year after going sober, just days away from yet another anniversary of us together, that this isn't working for me. I don't see how we could grow and nurture a future together. And these very feelings are the kind that could lead me to use and drink again. The problem is so clear for me to see! Sobriety, and life in general, are uphill battles, and the fight gets much harder when you're also dragging people up along with you. You could easily roll downhill with them while trying to save them. Here's what I know, though: people who love you and support you will understand your decisions. I dipped my toes in those waters when I asked her to move out, and the response I got was eye-opening. Even some of her family were clearly upset but very understanding. I couldn't have predicted that. Some people will judge you and maybe even walk away from your life. Things might get ugly and hurtful. But Ralph, you are worth it. I keep telling myself that, admittedly I'm struggling to believe it. But I know we are worth our best efforts. Keep us posted, maybe I'll have an update of my own soon 
I’ve had the same thing happen. It could be that many aspects of your relationship are state dependent on alcohol. It is hard to relearn all the intimate things that alcohol made easier. It’s a lot to think about for sure. Please be open enough and willing enough to leave the relationship if turns out to be one that is not good for either, or both, of you.