I’m wondering how to stop creating problems with friends and

Mental Health
#1

I’m wondering how to stop creating problems with friends and loved ones where there are none. If I perceive someone may be mad at me or rejecting me for something then I “protect” myself by going on guard. I attacked my friend just yesterday over a perceived issue and it wasn’t an issue

#2

I have the same problem, I overthink everything and cause problems when there really never was one. Think it has something to do with past experiences, something about the situation triggers a memory and puts us on alert. It's definitely a struggle, and unfair to the other people.

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#3

Yes! As a child, if I did something “wrong”, my father withheld love/affection. So now I’m always on the lookout and trying to either explain myself or asking that person why they did cuz to me

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#4

Exactly, past traumas have us always looking for signs within the smallest details of everything. I've gotten out of a very toxic relationship a couple years ago, the things that woman put me through has me on high alert with my new wife. These two women are complete opposites of each other, but I still find ways to combine and compare them to try and protect myself. Which is stupid and toxic in so many ways. I fear I've became the toxic one, because I have started assuming and creating these issues. I really wish I could go back to who I was before my first marriage.

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#5

I totally understand. I had a toxic relationship too prior to this. Second hubby really put up with a lot. It took a lot of reassurance from him to get me to realize he isn’t the same. Now I have a male best friend and while there’s nothing romantic, it still stirs up some of those same feelings from my childhood and first marriage. Hopefully your second wife isn’t giving you issues with reassurance right now.

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#6

She is sometimes reassuring, but I can tell she is also getting tired and frustrated with it. I was hoping she would be able to help me work through some things, but I find myself now burying feelings and reaching out to apps and groups such as this for support and clarification. Maybe when I get myself straightened out, everything will work the way it should 🤷

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#7

I understand that. In dealing with my best friend, it is hard for them to be constantly understanding because to him, he’s like, I did nothing wrong and we’re fine. I always tell you if there’s an issue and here you are making one up. My hubby was totally different. He just rolled with it.

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#8

Sounds like you are pretty close with this friend, I'm sure he understands what is going on and will continue to be supportive. Just be open and honest with him, ask him to be patient. Hopefully he will be supportive in the way that you need him to be.

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#9

I hope things work out for you as well. At least we recognize it about ourselves

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