I’m struggling this week. I’ve been clean/sober almost 5 months. I’ve had some really awesome good days. I thought I was over the hump. This week has been sh*t. The past 5 days have been filled with all the feelings. All of them! They are so hard to sit with. I know how bad I got. I know how much I lost. I know how bad it all went but I freaking miss it tonight. I want to be high/drunk. I miss the whole lifestyle. The parties, random hookups, all nighters. All of it.
I know I am better off clean and sober but I am having no fun at all. None.
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That’s the addiction trying to creep back in. Sober feeling isn’t easy, but play the tape all the way through and temper THOSE feelings. Anger, regret, embarrassment, fear… I much rather deal with all that sober, and be able to process it rather than just go back to the bottle and numb it.
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I still struggle with those feelings. Especially going out and hooking up. But that never got me anywhere. Just another thing I used to fill a void. It gets easier as time goes on.
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