One day after I had started using, I was sitting in a room and people were talking about how many days they’ve been sober and I was like wow 
these are some junkies. I decided I would go home and take some days off so I wouldn’t be like them. I went home and I couldn’t go three days. That’s when I realized I had a problem. I was like oh my goodness. I told my ppl and we all kind of laughed about it. I continued to use and in my circle it was glorified. I started selling so I could use for free , the more I sold the more I did. I got paid to get high. I had a new Mercedes a nice place everyone wanted what I had (drugs) Most Ppl I was around had lost there septum I’m like woah I’m gonna quit b4 that happens, then that happened. I don’t know how long it was before I realized I couldn’t smell the things my kids could. No one I hung with could smell it was funny (so we said, so I thought). Then I was assaulted when they did my brain scan they found a tumor they wanted to have immediate surgery and were reading all the complications that could happen during brain surgery. I told the neuroscientist that I was on drugs they said I had to be sober two weeks before they could operate. For 9 months I used and figured if I died it would be my easy way out. Finally I couldn’t take the side effects of my tumor and quit cold turkey, unplanned, spontaneously I had my surgery and was sober 67 days. I didn’t understand why more ppl just didn’t quit. Then while still on bed rest I found a straw and figured I had earned it and could control it. That’s when I realized addiction is for life. I had a problem but so did everyone I knew so it wasn’t a big deal. I danced with the devil and I liked it( I believed). I never wanted to quit. Years later I was going all day everyday up for nights at a time, days with out eating I was so sick and frail and tired. I had hallucinations i constantly heard stuff no one else did shhh I would say trying to listen to noises that weren’t there. I wasn’t living in reality. Nothing mattered I said, “so it didn’t matter”, I always said “it’s not real anyway (life)” I believed. I wanted help but no one would help me. Finally my lease was up, i wanted to sleep and eat. I had a moment of reality and realized this is real. I wasn’t making good decisions with my life. I needed help. I had to help myself So I put my stuff in storage and checked myself in treatment. I cried tears of happiness the day I gave my keys back to my landlord, finally this chapter of my life was over. Ppl said they had the tools to help me so I figured I would let them teach me. 1 year and three months later I’m still sober, working at it daily. It’s hard (life) coming into reality is something else, but finally things are getting clearer. After treatment and sober living i went to DBT it helped soooo much. I never wanted to be fake happy and I’m not, I really am getting happier everyday. I left out a lot but that’s my story, for some reason I just wanted to share. Thank you and goodnight.
I never imagined me, sober. Wow
