Clover, I am 43 and I wish I would have taken these steps decades ago. You are young, I assume, certainly you have a lot of life to live and you can either live that life full amd free, or as a slave to addiction, shame, guilt and regret. It can be as complicated as you will allow it to be, but it can also be as simple as that.
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lol I’m 46 so I wish I would of done it a long time ago too. I have wasted away a lot of my life and may have lost my husband because of it . Today is definitely a lonely day and I just sit here and cry 
because I’ve messed up my life !
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It is never too late to get our lives in order. The longer we ponder the concept of sobriety the more we will undoubtedly lose in the aftermath. I will be praying for you and for your marriage. Your sobriety and your strength.
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Thank you so much
Just a thought, but perhaps asking for forgiveness could be the start of a beautiful new chapter in your marriage. Only you can determine if this is appropriate and possibly helpful. And you are most welcome.
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Clover I stopped drinking with the help of AA at age 46 after 25 years , countless relationships, jobs, homes and everything else lost. I tried everything else first. Nothing worked. I haven’t had a drink since I attended my first meeting in June of 2020.
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Yes I have done that , it’s deeper than that , we had a drunken fight a week ago today and he went to jail and now It’s a big mess so we are both trying to get sober and get our lives together now , but we can’t be together in the mean time until we are told we can from courts
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Yup so you weed it maybe it’s time to go to AA meetings and get a sponsor! You nailed it on the head it’s Time if you do go to meetings and get a sponsor and be willing to do what She sees then I promise you your life will change for the better! God bless you and your recovery journey 
Well I would say do your best to honor the court order, I have seen additional mess creat3d from failure on both parts to do so. SMART Recovery was helpful to me in helping prevent repeated relapse. Since I just had one, I am going back to SMART. It deals with the psychology of an addict moreso than other methods I have experienced. Personally however I attend AA, NA, SMART and Celebrate Recovery. I appreciate the differences of all 3 programs.
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I'm in YEAR 36. I have been SOBER since I was 23. AA has been a Big part of the process of RECOVERY. . Going to AA is not punishment. People have a perception problem. Give yourself permission to commit to Your SOBRIETY EMBRACE AA and what it has to OFFER. You can do this
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Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are
restless, irritable, and discontented
unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort, which comes at once by taking a few drinks—drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the
phenomenon of craving develops,
they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an
entire psychic change,
there is very little hope of his or her recovery.”
Clover
This psychic change is acquired by finding a sponsor that understands the program and will take you through the 12 steps. The faster you get through the 12 steps the faster the obsession to drink will be lifted and the faster the promises will start to come true in your life.
Sobriety is the easier softer way!
You won't lose anything by checking out AA. A sponsor shouldn't hurt you. It seems like you could only gain from giving AA a try. Go for it and you could gain that sobriety and be in a better place to face the other problems your going through. There is no shame in wanting to make positive change in your life.
You’re not alone. I too messed up my life. Lost my home and wife. But I can say that 40 months into this sober journey my life is way better then it was before. I’m healing childhood wounds, I’m learning how to love myself and others. I get to be present in all of the relationships that have flourished because I’m sober today. I looked at my inventory, cleared the wreckage of my past, and help others. AA has saved my life and given me a purpose. I recommend giving it a try. Prayers sent your way.
The app ‘meeting guide’, it has a picture of a chair, will show you the meetings in your area or any area you may travel to.
I was very opposed to AA due to past experiences with my beliefs and family members in AA. In rehab I got to see that I was wrong. I got out and went to meetings at met great people that truly cared about me and my sobriety. Right after I made a year sober, my wife left me. The people in the rooms of AA helped get me though and stay sober. It never hurts to try. Keep your head held high and one foot in front of the other.
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Hi Clover I for one need AA meetings and fellowship. Sober 10 months this Friday. I had first drink at 9 years old and some short periods of sobriety drank heavily till age 63. Longest I've been sober is AA. I wish you the best of success, seek whatever help you need to tame this monster disease!
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Yes absolutely it will increase the level of love in your life
Hello Clover , I’m 60, yep not a typo 
60. I praise you for posting here and sharing your vulnerability !!! Remember that being physically sober is hard enough but the real meat and potatoes hard core work comes with being mentally sober.
In my opinion The most important thing for lasting sobriety is community! It doesn’t have to be just one but it is community. I belong to the sober powered community, started by Gillian Tietz . She has a podcast that is the BEST!! She explains the science behind addiction and so many other topics. Sober powered also holds regular meetings virtually. I also belong to Women for Sobriety and they have weekly virtual meetings as well. The 2 communities add the own unique support. I also attend some AA meetings but it has been my experience that they do not service my individual needs as does the other 2 communities I belong to. Sobriety is individual not one size fits all. Explore all your options.
The second most important thing is “home work” . What I mean is reading, journaling, just jumping head on into learning about your personal triggers , understanding why you drink and why you struggle. This part truly is the uncomfortable hard core work . Remember that discomfort is your friend, I mean sitting in your discomfort, not numbing the feeling with alcohol and owning your feelings and then working thru them.
Thirdly is the absolute acceptance that you have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. You do not have to label Yourself an alcoholic, addict , boozer etc. labels are so antiquated ,demoralizing and shaming !
You are you , not a label.
Research the vast sober communities and even experiment with them , to see what works best for you .
Community, immersing yourself in learning about yourself and full acceptance that there is no such thing as moderation, therefore you don’t drink and you will be successful .
Stay active here ! Post here , we are here to help you 
I hope I wasn’t too long in my response. My son tells me all the time that I am definitely Irish because I can never tell a short story
I was in a similar spot a year+ ago. 7 trips to the ER and detox as I continued to want to quit but thought I could do it on my own. By that point I had lost everything; 20 year career, my son and his mom.
I ended up going to rehab and it was the best thing I've ever done. I learned about myself, the diseases and ways to maintain sobriety. That may be a step to explore...
Aa has been incredible experience - non judgmental- a lot of people there fd up bigger than you - but no one (in my experience) is there for anything other than to help you .. it’s cathartic…
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The steps and a sponsor literally changed my life!!!