I posted this as a reply to a comment on

Recovery
#1

I posted this as a reply to a comment on an earlier post, but as I shelled out a little bit more than usual on it I figured I’d make it a separate post:

“…even when sober for a decent period of time there are still great struggles. I get that. My biggest issue right now is feeling more alone than before. My friends have their own lives going on, my parents have moved back to their hometown, it’s nothing more than being in a place in life where others seemingly have more going on than I do. I don’t make new friends easily.

I’m trying to look at things from a different perspective. People who are not single and able to “do as they please” could easily envy my situation. So, for instance, today I woke up after having not drank the evening before and had the energy to ride my bike with a group in the hills (yes Florida has hills). After that I went to the beach and swam in the water during some rain which was just lovely. Yet, I am now home, alone, and guess what? I’m drinking wine. Because I have no one else to answer to and it’s the most enjoyable option right now. Also, I’m not drinking shots, which is typically what I do before the wine. So here I am viewing this as a “win”. Maybe I should. I staved off the drink longer than usual. Didn’t get the stronger hit that always sends me into a spiral immediately. But I’m still drinking to avoid emotions. So maybe it’s not a win. And it’s only with some drink in me that I can go on like this. Which is why talk therapy hasn’t seemed to do me much good…”

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#2

It's progress not perfection but yeah anything that we avoid is not progress. I live in Florida too. If we lived closer I wouldn't mind helping you with being lonely. However, that would only help with the instant gratification of being lonely. Loneliness is the poverty of self; Solitude is the richness of self.

For me opposite gender friendships in early recover need to be approched with extreme caution imo. I'm not in early recovery but the last thing we want to do is to 13th step (relapse) ourselves. Lol just to clarify. When I say "ourselves" I'm talking about everyone in recovery.

It sounds like you are taking good steps to enrich yourself with bike riding and swimming in the rain. I think I remember seeing a post of yours about not being a big fan of AA. There is a saying, that addiction/alcoholism is isolation and that connection is the opposite of isolation. I have found that in the rooms of AA/NA to meet the needs of just the right amount of connection that I needed in early recovery. Just enough connection that I could go back and reflect on myself and make some changes. Where as early in recovery we tend to lose ourselves by placing ourselves on the back burner and a friendship/relationship for front and priority in our lives. When ourselves have to be priority first. It sounds selfish but in the long run it's really not.

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#3

On the therapy subject..I attempted that before I got sober. It was during the zoom therapy session times so I was never physically in front of the person. This allowed me to hide my drink on the side of my screen out of sight. We touched on subjects that yes, needed addressing but we never talked about drinking. I was a “only 2 drinker” (the first and the last, ha) it wasn’t until I realized what my problem was…drinking daily and keeping track was how many cases or bottles. I dried up and went to a meeting. Afterwards during the next session I brought up the fact I had been drinking during every session without him knowing. I found more of what I was looking for in AA than I did with therapy. It took me being completely honest with myself before it was clear. I’ve found I’m only as lonely as I allow myself to be. I step out of my comfort zone, talk to strangers, reconnect with old friends. Not sure if any of that was helpful, reach out to people. You never know who you’ll meet!

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#4

No one to answer to? Well, you can answer to me. When you're bored, text me, if you need just a little "hey, don't do it" or whatever, ill so it.
And yes, florida has mountains. Space miuntain and splash mountain. :grinning:

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#5

I would drink for similar reasons. It's a quick fix for when I was trying to avoid my emotions.

We get used to the immediate ease and comfort that comes at once by taking a few drinks. Then it stops working like it once did. Now what? For me, an alcoholic, I continued drink on and on, more and more, hoping for the results I had years ago. Alcohol is a symptom of our problem. If you take alcohol away from the alcoholic, we're not cured, we are worse. Without a "solution" to our restless/irritable/discontentment with lingering fears, guilt, and shame, we're a wreck. The alcoholic needs a program of action geared towards the things that we lose sleep over. A new solution. I needed a spiritual practice that got me caring about others before myself. When I started living like this, wonderful things started coming into my life, things I always wanted but not exactly as i had planned, its truly wild. The 12 steps of AA got me to this point. It's the easiest most straightforward way of achieving sobriety and a better way of living.

A zoom meeting I attend has a few women from Florida. They are legit, they work the program, and you can see it has change their lives. It's inspiring seeing people this happy and content.

If you want I can try to get you connected with them.
Let me know.

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#6

I might catch he$l for this, but I have to be honest and speak my truth. You are reaching out after. I was infamous for this. If I reach out before, someone will tell me no, don’t do it, and that’s not what I want to hear. I wanted my defiance until I had none left.

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