A few weeks ago I stopped drinking and not because I wanted to. I am no longer at my long term job, I am being evicted, and just lost my transportation. I am a single mother with little local support. I really WANT a drink but I can't bring myself to keep buying booze when I can't keep a roof over our heads. I feel SO ashamed. Especially, when I'm trying to teach my daughter needs vs. wants and I allowed it to get this bad.
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It takes what it takes. For me I had to hit bottom with circumstances
Stay prayed up. Your heart's in the right place. Just keep doing the next right thing. I'm pulling for you!
But you are aware. You know you’re better that that and you should’ve been doing better. So now’s the time to make up for it. It’s going to get hard just keep reminding yourself WHY. That guilt may be the only thing to save you until you can truly want to save yourself. You’re taking steps despite how it may seem otherwise. It’s stupid but ‘it has to get bad before it gets good.’ I’m proud of you. You got this. I’m a message away if needed. 
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We all question the same thing. And this is when we take the step with passion. When we are passionate about our sobriety we tend to fight for it more.
13 years I got sober because my husband had cancer not saying I didn’t need to get sober It was only just a few months after I got sober that I started doing it for me. I was happy and blessed that I could be there for him and get him through his cancer. It takes what it takes. Good luck.
You will find success when you surrender and do it for yourself and admit you are powerless.
Thanks for sharing this. I hope your restoration is swift and thorough.
Try not to get caught up on shame, it's the devil's tool. My advice is to do little things you can be glad for, and grow to be enjoying being you. You were made to succeed for sure.