I really wanna drink when I get back home and break 5 months
Don’t!! Pray, you can do this
Why? Why did you stop drinking? There must be something about drinking that was really messing up your life if you decided to get sober. Think about what happens to you when you drink. We tend to only remember the good. However, for most of us it hasn’t been good in a very long time. Sounds like your disease is messing with your mind. That’s what untreated (no program of recovery) alcoholism does. It’s a physical, mental, spiritual illness. Hope you can think this thru and get help before you do something that may have really bad consequences. You have a choice.
Ride it out and let it ease up on you. I'm feeling it too today. Don't let it try the "mental medicine" b.s. on you. It's poison, full stop. If bleach cut with soda or juice gave a short buzz and had addictive potential, we'd all be dealing with THAT insanity too. It would be normalized and romanticized and advertised as well. You deserve health and sobriety. You can do this for yourself. You have been. 
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