I relapsed a few days ago I’m pretty upset about messing up I need to go to meetings, I need a sponsor, I need to reach out yet at the same time I don’t wanna do any of that I wanna shut the world out and be in my own world I don’t wanna deal with anyone or anything I know i can’t expect the reward without putting in the work idk
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Feel free to reach out. We've all been there.
I could take off my shoes and socks and still wouldn't have enough fingers and toes to count how many times I've tripped over that same rock I thought I dropped 25 years ago. Sometimes I fell hard, other times it was a one night stand. Really, I'm lucky I'm still alive. My alcoholic stubbornness keeps me coming back.
Go to a meeting. You don't have to admit anything, or say anything in front of the whole room. Maybe there's someone there you feel ok about to speak privately. He'll, you've already broken the ice by sharing here. 
Hang in there and good luck.
Keep trying don’t give up I believe in you but you need to believe in yourself and accept that we make mistakes all the time ,learn from them and you can overcome anything
That is the addiction that’s making you want to isolate. It wants to keep you for itself. Don’t reward it. Keep trying. You will find support at meetings. The toughest part is sometimes just getting through that door. Just a small step is okay too: Try an online meeting and then a real in person one maybe?
I felt the same way. You will feel so much better if you just follow the suggestion. For me, right action led to feeling better. I started doing what was suggested even though I didn’t want to at all then after some time and consistency, I started feeling really good. I was taught in treatment that right action leads to right thinking which leads to right feeling and it’s worked for me 
Welcome
Yes, that's normal. When I was going into treatment centers or detox facilities, I would get as drunk as I possibly could because I knew after that night I wasn't going to be able to drink any longer.
Sometimes we are sick and tired of being sick and tired and we just want to throw in the towel. But I can promise you that the end is never good. It could end up with you being dead. Don't kid yourself, it happens. I've seen it face to face several times through the years.
I would just start getting to some meetings and share your feelings. You will get a lot of support and they will help you get your head back on track.