I relapsed about a month ago for the first time in 2 years, and I'm really struggling to get it back together. I keep relapsing, I'm back to day 1 again today. Back to square one. But this time has to be different. I have to make it the whole way this time. It's the depression and the exhaustion during the withdrawal that's making it so hard for me. I have a lot of daily responsibilities that are getting harder and harder to manage. This has to be my last time withdrawaling, I can't keep doing this to myself. I feel like I dig myself a deeper whole every time I relapse again. My brain feels messed up, and it takes longer to recover every time. So this is Day 1. Tomorrow will be day 2, and a year from now will be day 366. I dont have Medicaid for treatment. advice or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated.
Try AA.
Go to meetings and share about your desire to stay clean. Raise your hand and say you need a sponsor. Take suggestions 
Being sober is hard with God I could t do it...I don't k ow what your DOC is but He will equipt and enable to to get through it...one day at a time sometimes one minute at a time. You just made the first right choice to try again. Give yourself some grace
It's so hard to function and do well when we drink. It makes it worse. 1 day at a time. Meetings help. You're not alone. You have people that will love you. Then you will love yourself again. That's recovery.
Relapse is a reality, the reality to realize and recognize all the events that led up to the relapse. It is a learning tool to recognize one's personal defects. So that one may learn when where and how to defend oneself from a relapse. If one repeats the relapse It'll lead back into an addiction. Remember the feelings and the regrets of a relapse to be successful in recovery
I recently relapsed on fentanyl, approximately a month and a half ago. Most would call it a much larger mistake. Van your incident, however, I don't look it as a mistake?
It was a point of learning, and the moment of growth follows... it happens
Turn it to your advantage. Post traumatic growth syndrome...
Redundancy often seems like a waste if nothing unusual happens, except that something unusual happ, Usually... Allow that something unusual to boost your confidence, to thwart your cravings and to dispel your senses of inadequacy, fear, guilt and shame