I spent Monday and Tuesday at home drinking all day. It was pathetically unproductive. I know drinking adds zero value to my life, yet I still do. I’ve stopped drinking on 30 day challenges and know I’m ridiculously better sober… so why can’t I just keep doing that?
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I’m struggling with the same issue!! I keep reminding myself of how horrible I feel the day after - remind myself how amazingly opposite I feel after doing some thing more productive and rewarding such as working out that still gives me an adrenaline / good type of feeling but in a healthier way! Then keeping track of all those times you chose to be strong- compare it to how many possible mistakes you could have made - how much money you saved and how much damage you have done to your body instead of investing it into something your proud to show off! KEEP STAYING STRONG! 
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If you really feel like you just can’t control the cravings and the drinking I would really suggest that you get into your doctor because there is a medicine that will stop those cravings and also make it so you cannot drink because if you did drink you would be so sick. Sometimes you need those stepping stones to get to where you want to be and in this case getting that type of help will start to help your mind get into the habit of not drinking. And it’s a total plus that it stops the cravings.
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Someone in a meeting once said that the part of the brain that can get nullified against saying no to more alcohol is a very old part of the brain, like pre-human old. I find myself strongest about saying no when I’m on zero drinks. Building a fort can take time, just gotta lay a strong foundation.
I’m 13 days sober and I can relate to what you are feeling. This is hard but not impossible. Everyday that you don’t drink you are giving a gift to yourself! You’ve got this Kurt!!
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To both Kurt and Amanda: I strongly suggest that you make an AA meeting. There's help out there!
In the same boat
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438-867-3464 text me anytime Brother 