I struggling with wanting some appreciation from my wife for the work I’m doing. Then the other side of my brain tells me, you don’t deserve it yet. It’s only been 21 days and your supposed to be doing this for yourself. Is it wrong to just want to hear a thank you or I’m proud of you? Am I thinking about this wrongly?
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It depends if your drinking caused her heartache she may not trust you yet. Give her some time. Congratulations on your sobriety
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I have had those thoughts as well…
Then I remind myself this is my journey. I only need to make myself proud.
Perhaps, just because I’m, for the first time, doing the steps, she is still reluctant to buy in and get her heart broken again. I get that rationally but not emotionally.
I felt the same way when I was in my first month. I wanted my wife to acknowledge that I was doing something to change. But really it is like washing the dishes and expecting praise for doing what should be done. I spent 10 years, conditioning her… almost like Stockholm syndrome. I am guessing something similar is going on by you. Give her time. Show her you are doing the right things. You are still very early in sobriety. How long were you not doing the next right thing? How many times has she heard you would change? It took my wife almost 8 months to believe I wasn’t playing a con game. It can get better. Good luck man.
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Congrats on your 21 days Mark. I’m 10 months and 7 days sober, and my wife has her good days and bad days as far as supporting me. On the good days she is wonderful and I really appreciate it. On her bad days, she’s is still very angry and hurt. I’m my case, I really F’d things up horribly so I try and be patient and let her process her emotions. Regardless, hang in there brother and keep doing the right things. She will never understand what’s it’s like to be one of us. That’s why we have each other
I'm sure it took some time for her to feel the way she does and it might take just as long to get over it too. Remember, time takes time. Stay strong and continue on your path of recovery.
I appreciate your input, I needed to hear all of this. I guess I’ve been so focused on my path, I been forgetting she is dealing with her own.
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While it feels so much better to hear it from the one we want to hear it so much, I appreciate your willingness to be vulnerable enough to share. This post could have saved another addict from using as they identify with your story. Thank you for sharing. Sober actions speak volumes in silent dedication and consistency; drunk actions scream the incoherent banter of an angry and confused inner child. Keep up the consistent walk, brother.
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We get sober for ourselves. No one else. And our drinking has consequences. Read the family afterward in the Big Book. It helps one understand that just because we got sober doesn’t mean there should or would be a parade in our honor.