I feel so doomed and ashamed and isolated. My partner already got sober a year ago and i dont want him to know that im trying because if I screw up, thats a failure of will on my part that he’s already overcome. I dont want anyone in my life to know. It’s lonely.
Have you tried making friends in recovery you can lean on when times get tough you also have us on here you can reach out to
I don’t even have regular friends. Late stage capitalism and all that, but I’m either at work or I’m at home drinking/waiting to go back to work. I’m friendly with folks at work, but sharing that I’m trying to recover would mean they’d know and/or speculate as to how much of a problem it is. I’m high functioning enough that drinking hasn’t (yet) impacted my relationships and I’ve been an addict my whole life, so I’m really acclimated to hiding it and secrecy.
I may be wrong here, but all that sounds like is you wanna, but you don’t wanna. All that is normal, but it also sounds like you don’t wanna more than you wanna. That’s just my professional opinion. Haha Professional alcoholic who has been in and out of the rooms since 2009. You’re scared and stopping means you can’t have alcohol ever again which is totally daunting. Especially when you don’t want to or think you have a problem., but only you would know that. On your time and when you’re ready, but you may wanna before any of that stuff that you say hasn’t happened, happens.