I thought about relapsing today - well actually just a

Recovery
#1

I thought about relapsing today - well actually just a few seconds ago so i immediately got on this app to talk about it.

It's the overwhelming emotional pain that keeps compiling with every new painful experience on top of the already deeply embedded pain i have inside of me.

Ive been trying to manage it with therapy and AA and medication. It just isn't enough to negate the painful experiences that keep coming at me.

There were points in my life where i was unaffected and those were helpful but its been like life is trying to break me and i mean i am already broken in many ways already, if i wasnt i wouldnt have these addictions and mental health problems - not to mention the physical problems that i believe could have manifested as a direct result of this emotional pain.

Alcohol is about taking the pain away briefly while also slowly killing myself. Not because i actually want to die but because i actually want to live and be happy - but no amount of striving for this happiness has been possible to maintain.

11 Likes
#2

Feel this 100%. Keep it up. Today is day 1 for me again and it sucks horribly already.

1 Like
#3

It is thru these most difficult times that we experience the most spiritual growth. You have been going thru it. Let’s choose to believe your breakthrough is coming soon :pray:

2 Likes
#4

Best thing you could have done!!

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#5

Congrats! Keep showing up for yourself!

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#6

Felt the same one day recently myself. Actually made it as far as having some in a cart. But I did not, did not partake in my unholy trifecta (gambling/drinking/drugging).
Bad days come, I guess I had enough pain in the past to remind me none of them will help make things better.

1 Like
#7

Update:treated myself to some comfort food, a massage, my favorite music and a few stand up comedies online. Spiraling upwards again.

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#8

Keep talking about the pain and trauma the best medicine is thoughtful reassuring positive feedback its so important and much more rewarding than getting messed up super proud of you for reaching out

#9

I'm so super proud of you for telling on yourself and talking about your trigger out loud it's a good tool to have and use.
Also try talking to your higher power or sponsor, going to a meeting.
Also go occupy your mind and do something you enjoy doing.
You are doing an amazing job keep your head up and doing that thing one day at a time, just for today

1 Like
#10

I’m so proud of you for getting on here and speaking it out loud instead of acting on it. That’s huge. The pain may feel overwhelming, but you are not broken.. you’re healing. And healing can feel raw. You chose yourself tonight. That matters more than you know. :purple_heart: