It began last Wedneday, the 1st drink. I had been participating in abstinence, but not in recovery. I went untreated and I took 1 drink which set off the obession to drink 2, then 4 then more. The conviction & shame was so heavy, it almost kept me down. I almost kept it a secret. I went out for 2 days, the only reason I drank Thursday was to avoid a hangover. So I stayed sober.. for 2 days, then picked up again. Monday I was obliterated by 11am, the little sense and rationality I had left proceeded to get me to tell on myself. My sponsor moved back home to Santa Barbara, he almost left everything to come & get me, drive back to SB & put me in a sober living. But I wanted to stay home, so I had my brother-in-law drive me to detox, the one I used to volunteer at. It was super humbling. I saw all my recovered friends, some who came before me, some who came after. Not expecting to find me there as a resident ever, there I was. I forgot how much support we really give one other, those who are like-minded, those in AA, and those who just love to see you make it. I’m up, I’m back, I’m doubling down on my program. Upward & forward. Not everyone makes it back, I am not taking this lightly BUT I know, “how you respond to your failures, will determine your future. Learn from them, don’t live in them. God is good.
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