I’ve been a closet drinker for almost two years now. “Closet” as if my family can’t tell. I stopped once I was diagnosed with a autoimmune disease. Then I said “ why not it’s only one beer”.. that one led to 5. I was able to stop myself again, then day 4 I “deserved” a drink… here I am now.
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We all think we are very covert with our drinking.. believe me we are not. Those closest to you know. The addiction is a tricky bast@rd with the lies it tells us. You took the first real step and admitted you may need help. That’s harder to do than any normie would know, so great job. Don’t be hard on yourself. We all know what you are going through. Now you have a decision to make. Keep living in the insanity of addiction or get sober. You can get through it if you want it. The apps “meeting guide” and “in the rooms” are free and give locations and times to AA meetings close to you. Keep reaching out. This is an entire community who not only will help but genuinely wants to help.
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Hahaha, yeah I used to think no one could tell also. Guess what? EVERYONE can tell, lol. But Everyone can tell when you’re not too!! And that is a much better feeling!! Keep it up and before too long people who used to feel sorry for you will start telling you how proud they are of you! 
&
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Any emotions, thoughts or feelings your trying to avoid? Addiction is a a form of self medicating, one key is to figure out what your trying to numb… peace. You can do this!
I had a co worker I dont even know very well call me out the other day. I found out when I told a friend that I don't see or talk to much say she knew. I was surprised they knew.
It’s truly amazing how much they really know. And we are thinking they have no idea 🥸
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I think we all try and hide it but mostly from ourselves because everyone always knows. Hope the best for you. Reach out and attend meetings that fit and work for you.
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I echo what Simon and others have relayed. Yep, yep.
People know. They really, really D O!
Pamela, hope you find the tools and support which work for you. Glad that you shared and of course, this community is cheering you on!
Its tough when you're first starting out. I've been on the wagon & off so many times. We'll always try to justify to ourselves why that drink is ok this time. I can feel it though differently to my core that I'm done now. Best advice I can say is fill your days with positive activities & stay busy. Maybe give AA a try.
I was the closet drinker as well. I felt like I was live in a fake life I went to work I was a mum but secretly I was a drunk. I found if I keep busy keep my mind active so I don’t think about a drink I do much better. You can do this
I always thought I was so clever. Turns out I was wrong.
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It always amazes me how quiet we think we are with our using, when we couldn't be more obvious if we had put a neon sign on our backs. But then again I've seen so.e folks who are willing blind to it all the same.
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